[Maritime Q-Scout]

Originally Posted by Springs1

What hurts is instead of a "SORRY", she BITCHED BACK AT ME and that REALLY TO THIS DAY(I think this happened in 2010 or 2011), I am STILL PISSED about this. WHY? Because she was mean first to not ************CARE************* about what she was bringing us. Admitting it shows I had EVERY RIGHT to bitch at her, because she was a bitch to me first by not checking anything. It doesn't matter if you weren't my server, because they have a way to make it right in the kitchen somehow unless my server put in the order wrong, but for her to say that shows that it wasn't the case or that at least she couldn't tell me that, because she had NO CLUE since she didn't "READ THE TICKET." She didn't care.

You telling me that servers are human beings not robots, well what about those a$$hole jerks that are servers treating us like non-human beings? You aren't getting that a lot of them are mean. You just don't get it?

Now should have I handled it that way? Probably not. I was back then on the BC pills, so may have been due to that possibly why I reacted bitchy. The thing is, she deserved it. She was mean first. She showed she didn't act like she was serving real people with real feelings and time getting altered, did she? I was floored when she said "I'M NOT YOUR SERVER", really floored. I reported her. I wish he would have fired her for being sassy to me. That's wrong. It doesn't matter if you aren't my server. You are serving me, therefore, you are ONE of the servers in my service that COUNTS in the tip. YES it counted in the tip what that waitress did. I am not going to pay well to get treated like crap like that. If our waitress would have paid her a buck or two to read the ticket, that wouldn't have happened more than likely, so I do blame the original waitress that was too selfish to share her tips with her helpers.

How often does this happen to you? I can understand still being upset over being treated poorly by a server, but to the point that you start a crusade across the internet against the serving industry as a whole? No, no sorry I don't see how that's a reasonable or proportional reaction to an isolated incident 2-3 years ago.

Originally Posted by Springs1

In this same experience, the appetizer came from an uncaring waiter that didn't have the ranches and instead of saying he was sorry, he said "Your server will get them for you" and didn't even go get them or anything. Same crap. Uncaring and meanness, No teamwork, no caring. The tip was 8%. First off, condiments can be brought out ahead of time, so there's no excuse to wait for another server to get that right. Secondly, why pay her a lot when she didn't even bring out any of our food, not any of it? She didn't do most of the job and the jobs that were done with the food were horrible. If she would have been willing to share the tip with these other servers they would have probably tried to check the food for accuracy. You don't say that "Your server will get that for you." You just don't. That's not teamwork. That's just being a lazy worker.

But that server isn't getting your tip. Your whole argument is that servers entire world should revolve around you because they work for your tip. Why would you punish your server if you experience another rude employee?

Originally Posted by Springs1

So do you understand WHY I did what I did? I had just got so sick of it and with the appetizer servers attitude of he won't work as a team, it was just was getting to me the crappy service. While the waitress that brought out our meals wasn't her fault what the waiter had done, it was her fault she didn't read the ticket. As I said, our waitress didn't bring one food order to the table.

Do you understand that it's not about being mean that it's about that I was hurt that these people weren't nice and weren't caring people? That they were being mean, so it hurt and I hurt them back. Do you see that EVERYTHING IS PERSONAL when it comes to service? I am not trying to be mean. I am very nice. I expect them to be nice first though by even if they aren't my server that they have checked things over before they left or if they did miss something that they apologize and fix the problem. Most other servers that run the food don't do either one of those things. Most don't care, because it's not their tip, they don't care. No one cares. That's the problem. I see servers going to completely wrong tables to bring food. I mean really, did you really read the ticket if you are on the completely opposite side of the restaurant that you don't know where table 33 is for example? I guess what I am saying is it hurts is all and that's why you feel I was mean, but it's about that they were mean to me. Why should they have a right to be mean, but I can't be back? That's unfair. Usually as I said, I am not mean back and say "Thank you", but that time I just lost it because a lot of bad service and saw how crappy it was at the beginning. Then when I saw THREE things before she put it on my table, especially the missing extra crispy bacon on a open-faced burger, there's no way you would miss that, come on now if you really checked it. It bothers me that that person treated what she was bringing me like she could care less. Then you tell me about them not being robots, well look at how they are treating us. A robot wouldn't care, but a human being would if their food was correct or not.

So the server also has to manage other employees too?

Originally Posted by Springs1

I always consider that. If I see my server trying their best and look like they are busting their butt, I take A LOT of consideration in their tip.

I already do that already. That means they should be APOLOGIZING for getting my order wrong, which is wasting my time. It's mean to control someone else's service without their permission or consent. All they had to do was ask at the greeting if I wanted that type of service. A lot of servers don't do this. I am not going to take up my tip money time to tell them everything I don't want. That would be wasting my time and other customer's time, because I would be trying to ONE-UP their assumptions ahead of time that they just MIGHT NOT DO.

An apology should be given for a mixup, I don't think anyone is arguing that shouldn't be done. I think going on random message boards telling people about said service is not a reasonable response. You don't even single out the eating establishment, date, time you were there. You simply tirade against the industry as a whole, which realistically isn't fair.

I mentioned before how being proactive isn't "controlling" your experience. It's being proactive. If you have a Coke, and it's 3/4 empty, and they come over with another Coke (because refills are free, which isn't always or even normally the case), but you want an Iced Tea, you can ask when the server comes by.

You get your Iced Tea no later than if the server came over asking if you wanted a refill to begin with. Your time is not wasted, and you still get to "control" your experience.

The more I think of it, the more I think you're missing part of the point of eating out. You go for the experience. Chili's controls your experience differently than say Red Lobster, than say Olive Garden. Servers are part of the experience. It's the restaurant that is "controlling" the atmosphere, not liking that a server is pro-active is no different from going on message boards complaining that you don't like the colour green that Olive Garden uses, and they're "controlling" your experience by making you sit in their dining rooms with an ugly green colour.

Originally Posted by Springs1

Someone on one of my blogs mentioned I should "thank" them. I was so pissed, because I am not going to thank someone for controlling my service and wasting my time, are you crazy? They should be apologizing, because now I have to wait LONGER for my refill because they were in the kitchen or soda station getting a glass and filling it with soft drink for NOTHING when they could have been going to the soda station instead of my table with the wrong item they could at that moment be fixing what I DO want or if I don't want a refill but the check, that they are taking up a lot more of my time and other customer's time as well as their time.

No you don't have to wait longer. Because, as we've already covered they should be there before your drink is empty. If your drink isn't empty, then the added 6 seconds it took to fill a glass of pop, isn't actually lost.

If you wanted the check, then you could ask for it when they give you your refill.

Servers often work this into their routine, so no time is actually lost.

Originally Posted by Springs1

I remember this Red Lobster waiter decided to get refills for me and my husband, which I asked him nicely I said "Can I get a coke this time", which he had brought me a dr. pepper. He LOOKED PISSED OFF. Instead of saying he was sorry, he didn't. WHAT A JERK. I did take off the tip for him NOT APOLOGIZING MOST OF ALL. HE GOT MY ORDER WRONG BECAUSE HE WANTED TO *ORDER* FOR ME CONTROLLING MY DINING EXPERIENCE. It's NOT UP TO *HIM* WHAT ******I******** WANT FOR *********MY TIP MONEY******. You don't understand how I despise control. Even when I want the refill, I am pissed that they made a decision for me without my consent. Especially if they take my glass, that really pisses me off. It's not their service, not their decision.

You are aware that not everywhere allows you to change your order? To you, you may be ordered a bottomless glass of soft drinks. To the restaurant you are ordering a bottomless class of Coke, or Iced Tea. I'm not aware of any restaurant that will give you tea for free after you finish your coffee.

Some places to let you do that, some don't. Some will do it, even if it's against policy. Other places don't have a policy as it's a bizarre request.

Originally Posted by Springs1

If the people that want refills without being asked, they need to *ORDER* in that manner asking their server "Can I get refills automatically without being asked throughout my service?" Not every server does it, in fact it's not as common as what you think. We go out every single weekend 2-3 times a weekend and we don't get servers doing this that often even at places we don't frequently go even.

Actually, it makes more sense to request no-refills unless asked.

Originally Posted by Springs1

Yes I blame them. It's not their right to ORDER for me. Where do you get a "STRANGER" has rights to order for someone else? I have NEVER heard of such a thing. The *SERVICE* isn't free, so just because the item itself is, the *SERVICE* isn't free. So stop mentioning it's free, when it's not. I would think most people if they have a lot of refills go beyond the 20% range because they got a lot for free. Free does play a huge part in the tip.

Proactive would have been to *ASK MY PERMISSION* to do that type of service. That's not your tip money, you have no say so.

That's fine, but that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it and it will count against their tip as it should. They should be polite enough to apologize for pushing something on us rather than *ASKING* first.

I never said they'd have to walk back and forth. What they should do is have a pitcher of water in their hands and ask as they walk by each table. The not asking is not right. That's not your tip money paying for the service, so you have no right to dictate it.

I fundamentally disagree.

They aren't pushing anything on you. You ordered a bottomless class of your drink. They are ensuring that your glass is indeed bottomless. If you won't want it you can decline. If the menu says free refills or bottomless you have indeed ordered the refill. You need to decline. It's like ordering the burger, it comes with lettuce and tomato. If you don't want lettuce or tomato you have to tell them that.

Servers aren't mind-readers and they can't be expected to, nor should they, ask you if you want everything that comes with what you order.

Originally Posted by Springs1

I already do that A LOT already on online surveys and survey cards.

Great.

Originally Posted by Springs1

I have empathy when I see the server that they have ****TRIED THEIR BEST***, NOT when they haven't and also not when they aren't nice. Everything about service is personal, EVERY SINGLE THING, EVERYTHING, because a tip is **********VOLUNTARY*********** in most cases, which in our cases it is since most of the time I don't go with a large enough party in general to have gratuity added.

TIMING though is EVERYTHING! How would you like it if you haven't eaten all day and waited for a table for an hour that your server holds you up chit chatting? That's not *****************CONSIDERATE********************** . It's COMMON SENSE!

I love conversation with a NICE, HARD WORKING, AND CARING server, BUT to be considerate is to think about if that were *YOU* eating. Do you want your server to make you wait? The longer you wait to get my order, YOU are causing my delay, not the kitchen staff and not the bartender, *YOU*!

So when a waiter I have already talked about I am sure that he asked how was our Mardi Gras and did we go to any parades at Applebee's after waiting 15 minutes for a table already does that the first thing instead of thinking that GEE PEOPLE ARE THIRSTY, GET OUR DRINKS. That's MEAN, NOT NICE.

Do conversations like that ***********AFTER************ we have ordered our food, this way it doesn't HOLD UP OUR FOOD ANY! Do you have consideration for people's feelings and time? I DO. I think about every second. For example, when I worked at the donut shop/diner, a customer would walk in as I would be restocking something, I would STOP ******IMMEDIATELY************ to ask "May I help you." I wouldn't continue to do what I was doing. Some customers knew what they wanted already. Not everyone needed to think about what they wanted. In traffic, it bothers me when a person doesn't move up while you are in a u-turn as the car just left, because those seconds you aren't going up, that's more seconds I can't move up that I could have maybe gone too, now I am stuck the entire next red light, because people have blocked it. Understand I am always trying to be considerate. I have my credit card out or cash ready to pay with any coupons or ads BEFORE I get in a line at the store. I don't park over the yellow line in a parking lot. I stay on the side of the isle at a store not to block someone else from being able to go by me unlike others. Understand that I am CONSIDERATE, I expect others that want your money that if they want us to consider ($2.13/hr they only make), they need to be CONSIDERATE of OUR TIME in our service that we are PAYING for not to get wasted.

So you want the server talking to you after they bring you your food while you're trying to eat.

There's nothing wrong with a little small talk to build rapport. Heck this is the time that you can ask questions about the menu, and the service. If you don't want refills on your drinks then let them know.

You may be hungry, but 20 seconds isn't going to make a difference in when you get your food. Let them be polite.

Originally Posted by Springs1

Some servers I sure the hell wouldn't want to be their friend, because they sucked. They may not have been mean verbally with words, but do things that hurt my feelings like walk away so quickly I can't say all the things I need to ask for. It pisses me off that they want that good tip, expect it and then don't even *TRY* their best. Why would I want someone that could care less about what I was going to ask for or my time that now I have to wait until they come back to ask for what I was going to ask for, because they left so quickly? That's not nice, is it?

These aren't the people who are politely making small talk and putting you at ease to start your dining experience.

Originally Posted by Springs1

You say it's not personal, it's ********ALL PERSONAL********, ALL OF IT! Every single solitary thing is personal no matter what it is.

I don't think that means what you think it means.

Originally Posted by Springs1

I am not upset, I know they are required to do that, but they aren't if the customer says they are ready to order when greeted. I have had servers shut up when we said we were ready to order.

Then don't complain that servers are telling you about specials, if you tell them you're ready that should be enough. You didn't mention that before (your expectations are now shifting, which is a good thing).

Originally Posted by Springs1

It's hard to relax if my server doesn't write down my order. That's nerve racking.

You must tip, what 45% if they take your order without writing it down and get it all right. They got your order right, and saved you the time of not having to write things down.

Originally Posted by Springs1

Lots of times. Some of the servers even made some mistakes, but were NICE about them, not jerks like most of them are.

A positive example is a kind of major mistake, but tipped 16% BEFORE the $5 discount. What happened was a waiter me and my husband had admitted he forgot to put our appetizer order into the computer. We had ordered it when we were greeted along with our drinks. Instead of the waiter being mean like most of them are today, he said "I'm SO SORRY" TWICE. He offered some chips n' salsa(which aren't free at this restaurant) and I had told him I'd rather have something off the bill since we had ordered a lot of food already(I also didn't mention I didn't care for their chips and salsa either, but anyway, he got $5 off our bill). At first he had came back to say he couldn't get the appetizer taken off and I had told him even if it's just a coke, I am fine with that. That's when he got the $5 off. The thing is I remembered why it happened. I saw he went to HUG someone he knew. So he was playing around instead of doing his job. His job is to SERVE, NOT to hug people. That's why it happened. He got DISTRACTED from doing his JOB. As I said, we tipped 16% BEFORE the discount, ****BECAUSE HE WAS SOOOO NICE ABOUT IT******.

There are no servers today that would do that basically. Most don't even say ONE "SORRY", much less "SO SORRY" and then twice even. Most don't offer free anything either. Most aren't nice. So because he was *NICE* he got a decent tip(this was back in 2006 or 2007). Now if he would have act liked like he could have cared less like said no sorry or comp, he would have gotten stiffed.

You need to focus on the positives, and argue for good service rather than bad.

Out of curiosity, would you still tip if the server didn't say "sorry" but controlled your check by altering prices? Perhaps giving you your appetizer for free?

Which leads to the question, they're controlling what you're paying, not what you agreed to pay (the price on the menu). Isn't that controlling your experience? That's no different from giving you a free glass of pop. You didn't order the second glass of pop, just like you ordered the $9.95 nachos, not free nachos.

Originally Posted by Springs1

I go by HOW things are handled, NOT just what happened. If you aren't nice, WHY should I **CARE ABOUT YOUR TIP***? If you care about me, I will care about you. EQUAL/EQUAL!

Actually, you stated that if you get a free refill without asking you dock the tip.

So if the server gives you a free drink, or free dessert, they should apologize. If they give you a freebie and they don't apologize, your bill should be comped and you should get an apology?

Originally Posted by Springs1

I didn't tip 20%, because I saw WHY it happened. See, I didn't know that was going on at the time, but I had remembered it after when he told us he forgot to put the appetizer order in. So it wasn't like I was watching the waiter. I just happened to remember seeing him hug someone. He won't learn if I don't take off SOME for it.

If I would have seen him work hard and bust his butt, that would have been a TOTALLY different situation, but he didn't. Also, my mayos weren't filled I had to ask for more, which he brought out ahead of time as I had asked. I shouldn't have to ask for that though.

Wait you shouldn't have to ask to have condiments brought to you before the food?

That's kind of weird. I'd argue it should come with the food.

Also the containers aren't usually filled to the brim so they don't spill.

You can't expect the server to bring you extras without asking, as you don't like that. They'd be controlling your experience.

Originally Posted by Springs1

No, it is their issue, because they should act like if *THEY* would be not eating a long time how *THEY'D* feel, then serve in that manner. It's called being *********CONSIDERATE********! You act like the servers feelings are only important. It is not my issue, because they want MY MONEY, so it IS their issue if they want MY MONEY.

No, they should treat you reasonably. Which means if you're out for supper they should treat you like you ate lunch. If you're there for lunch, they should treat you like you ate breakfast. Why? That's what reasonable people do.

They shouldn't treat every customer like they haven't eaten in 3 days.

Be reasonable. I think that's all people are saying.