new tennis fan rules:
1. pick a favorite player. although there's many dozens to choose from, it really only makes sense to select from the Big 4, because nobody else will win a major or masters level tournament other than them for probably the next 2-3 years. and you pick Federer, you're 8 years late the party because he probably isn't going to win the big prizes either. but don't let that stop you from gushing about his beautiful game.
2. brim with delight every time your favorite dusts off some grunt lower than them in the standings. if they manage to beat one of the other members of the Big 4, gloat even harder and dredge up the Greatest of all Time (GOAT) debate.
3. if/when your favorite loses, dismissively explain it away with bad luck, injuries, rust, etc. if he loses to another Big 4 member, heap scorn upon his opponent, i.e. he's a hard/clay/grass court one trick pony, he just exploits a bad matchup, he's totally roided up to the gills, or he's just an arrogant dizzlebag and I don't like his funny Euro accent.
4. at the start of any tournament before all the Canadians have been eliminated, refresh this page often because people will be watching and posting fervently with red maple leaves in their eyes. after about the 4th round though when they're gone, angrily condemn their play and general career progression, expressing doubt as to whether they'll ever make that breakthrough. if you stay in this thread after that, count tumbleweeds roll by, intermixed with regular GirlySports updates.
5. dimiss womens tennis as a low quality product with no excitement to be found, especially when Beast Mode Serena is slapping down all the peons in her way. but make sure to fawn at how awesome Eugenie Bouchard looks in an evening gown.
|