Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community - View Single Post

drewtastic · 12-22-2013, 02:40 PM

Fearless Predictions:

(1) In February, Team Russia wins an emotional gold medal in front of its home fans. While celebrating, President Vladimir Putin walks onto the ice to present gold medals. However, just as he is about to address the crowd, he pulls off his suit to reveal a full-body pink onesie leotard. The crowd is shocked. Brian Boitano runs to his side--the two embrace. "I fooled you all, darlings!" Putin shouts, thereby completing the biggest swerve in IOC hockey history. Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un run out as confetti falls from the rafters. All of Alex Ovechkin's teeth fall out.

(2) After Game 82 in VCR (a 4-0 Flames loss), there is a sudden change in the arena's jovial mood as the unmistakable opening riff of 'Bad to the Bone' hits the loudspeakers. A shadowy figure with unkempt waist-length silver hair, wearing a Flames jersey, forces his way (WWE Shield-style) through the crowd, climbs over the glass and walks to centre ice. It's Brian Burke!

Grabbing a microphone from somewhere, he holds his hands up to end the relentless boos and 'You Sold Out/You Screwed Bret' chants (which really make little sense, but, you know--Canucks' fans). Finally able to speak, Burke reveals the worst kept secret in the NHL since Christmas:

"I've come here, to my old stomping grounds, to state publicly, that our 4-month search for a general manager has proved fruitless, and that I, Brian Burke, will assume full GM Duties as of this moment!" (This is met with boos and cheers, and nobody knows which are coming from Flames fans and which are coming from Canucks fans).

"But" continues Burke "I won't be taking over as General Manager of the Calgary Flames..." at this point, Burke rips of the Flames jersey to reveal a Canucks jersey underneath. "...I'm BACK, BABY!" he shrieks maniacally. "I've traded myself for Mike Gillis!!" Quick cut to Gillis looking shocked. Shot of Ken King looking pissed off and emotionally betrayed, simultaneously. Shot of the Sedins fainting. (Unrelated). Burke remains laughing at Centre Ice while garbage rains down around him, thereby completing the biggest swerve in NHL/WWE/WCW history. (It is later revealed that Stan Smyl has also been included in the deal, for the sake of irony).

(3) Mike Gillis refuses to report to Flames Training Camp in August, 2014. Ken King panics and makes a knee-jerk reaction, hiring deposed Edmonton Eskimos Coach Kavis Reed. Every media personality is stunned, save for Glen Healy who calls it: "a shrewd move". For his part, Reed's first media availability features an impromptu interruption by Kings coach Darryl Sutter, which angers Reed. The resulting verbal exchange features over 100 dramatic pauses, mouth wipes and assorted angry grunts.

12-22-2013, 02:40 PM	#7
drewtastic First Line Centre Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: So Long, Bannatyne Exp:	Fearless Predictions: (1) In February, Team Russia wins an emotional gold medal in front of its home fans. While celebrating, President Vladimir Putin walks onto the ice to present gold medals. However, just as he is about to address the crowd, he pulls off his suit to reveal a full-body pink onesie leotard. The crowd is shocked. Brian Boitano runs to his side--the two embrace. "I fooled you all, darlings!" Putin shouts, thereby completing the biggest swerve in IOC hockey history. Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un run out as confetti falls from the rafters. All of Alex Ovechkin's teeth fall out. (2) After Game 82 in VCR (a 4-0 Flames loss), there is a sudden change in the arena's jovial mood as the unmistakable opening riff of 'Bad to the Bone' hits the loudspeakers. A shadowy figure with unkempt waist-length silver hair, wearing a Flames jersey, forces his way (WWE Shield-style) through the crowd, climbs over the glass and walks to centre ice. It's Brian Burke! Grabbing a microphone from somewhere, he holds his hands up to end the relentless boos and 'You Sold Out/You Screwed Bret' chants (which really make little sense, but, you know--Canucks' fans). Finally able to speak, Burke reveals the worst kept secret in the NHL since Christmas: "I've come here, to my old stomping grounds, to state publicly, that our 4-month search for a general manager has proved fruitless, and that I, Brian Burke, will assume full GM Duties as of this moment!" (This is met with boos and cheers, and nobody knows which are coming from Flames fans and which are coming from Canucks fans). "But" continues Burke "I won't be taking over as General Manager of the Calgary Flames..." at this point, Burke rips of the Flames jersey to reveal a Canucks jersey underneath. "...I'm BACK, BABY!" he shrieks maniacally. "I've traded myself for Mike Gillis!!" Quick cut to Gillis looking shocked. Shot of Ken King looking pissed off and emotionally betrayed, simultaneously. Shot of the Sedins fainting. (Unrelated). Burke remains laughing at Centre Ice while garbage rains down around him, thereby completing the biggest swerve in NHL/WWE/WCW history. (It is later revealed that Stan Smyl has also been included in the deal, for the sake of irony). (3) Mike Gillis refuses to report to Flames Training Camp in August, 2014. Ken King panics and makes a knee-jerk reaction, hiring deposed Edmonton Eskimos Coach Kavis Reed. Every media personality is stunned, save for Glen Healy who calls it: "a shrewd move". For his part, Reed's first media availability features an impromptu interruption by Kings coach Darryl Sutter, which angers Reed. The resulting verbal exchange features over 100 dramatic pauses, mouth wipes and assorted angry grunts.