Sounds like you guys may be so bad that even a few practices and coaching sessions won't help much.
Petition the league to hold a tryout session and try their best to create fair teams? Essentially everyone joins as an individual and gets placed on a team.
I know many would want to keep their current team, but they could have a buddy system setup too where you can select 1-3 guys and you come as a package deal to a team.
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