Memorable Quotes from
Back to School (1986) (imdb.com)
[after snorkeling in a hot tub with four bikini-clad co-eds]
Thornton Melon : Now that's what I call Marine Biology!
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Thornton Melon : Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every ten minutes.
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Diane : How would you characterize "The Great Gatsby"?
Thornton Melon : He was... uh... great!
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Thornton Melon : [in a commercial for his Tall and Fat clothing stores] Are you fat? When you go jogging, do you leave potholes? When you make love, do you have to give directions? At the zoo, do the elephants throw you peanuts? Do you look at a menu and say 'OK!'?
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Executive #2 : The toy division has come up with a new doll idea to go along with our children's clothing line. We call them Melon Patch Kids. Now, the competition exploits the notion that their dolls are orphans. The Melon Patch Kids are not orphans... they're abandoned! We think it's a winner.
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Trendy Man : Mr. Melon, your wife was just showing us her Klimt.
Thornton Melon : You too, huh? She's shown it to everybody.
Trendy Man : Well, she's very proud of it.
Thornton Melon : I'm proud of mine too. I don't go waving it around at parties, though.
Trendy Man : It's an exceptional painting.
Thornton Melon : Oh, the painting.
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[after Thornton Melon's run-in with a showering sorority girl]
Security Guard: Perfectly understandable, Mr. Melon. It was an honest mistake. Let's just call it a a bad day...
Thornton Melon : - but a great view! You're all right, officer. Here, a little something for the kids.
[hands officer cash]
Security Guard: I don't have any kids.
Thornton Melon : No kids? Well, get yourself some kids. Take it all.
[hands officer more cash]
Thornton Melon : And just remember, the best thing about kids... is making them!
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Derek : [explaining his "anti-pep rally"] Violent ground acquisition games such as football is in fact a crypto-fascist metaphor for nuclear war.
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Thornton Melon : What's your favorite subject?
Bubbles: Poetry.
Thornton Melon : Really? Well, maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow.
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Chas : [limping off the diving board] I have got a really bad cramp. I've been having really bad cramps all week.
Jason Melon : It's probably menstrual.
Chas : Screw you, Melon!
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Football Player #2 : Hey, punk; do you know who I am?
Derek : Let me see; sloping forehead, long arm to body ratio, brow ridges, I've got it! Neanderthal Man!
Thornton Melon : [football player grabs Derek] Hey, hey; leave the kid alone.
Football Player #2 : If I don't, what are you going to do, beat me up?
Thornton Melon : No, I won't
[points at Lou who just crushed a metal napkin holder with one hand]
Thornton Melon : He will. I wouldn't mess with Lou; he's the first member of his family to walk upright.
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Diane : I'd love to go with you, but I've got a class right now.
Thornton Melon : Well, why don't you come and see me some time when you have no class.
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Derek : [at the diving competition] You know what you never see; fans in the stands harassing divers
[blows an air horn just as a diver is going into his dive]
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Lou : I liked your other wife better.
Thornton Melon : Hey, don't knock Vanessa; she gives good headache.
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