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Originally Posted by Sylvanfan
So heres my dilemma, and I thought I'd ask CP for it's great advice.
My wife is a horrific spender. She has absolutely zero self discipline. She simply does not get the difference between a want and a need. She thinks she needs new shoes when she has 300 pair scattered all over the house. As a result we've been living paycheque to paycheque since she re-entered the work force in October and I find that I'm always being forced to push back my debt repayment schedule because she spends $300 here or there or on a hobby. If theres anything I hate it's being nickled and dimed to death. To me $40 on a shirt, here and $60 on shoes there is being nickled and dimed to death. I think this is pathetic because between the two of us we make much more than sufficient money, and having non-mortgage debt makes us stupid fools who will go nowhere in life and wonder why we're still having to work at the age of 90 to make ends meet. Frankly I've had enough, and I have to get this under control now or I never will. My laissez fair attitude is fataing pathetic and I'm pretty ticked at myself.
My solution is that I want to take away her bank card, and credit cards and give her a weekly cash allowance. Too often she goes shopping and doesn't realize that she just wasted $300 on "feel good" stuff she didn't need. Now I realize that I'm as much of the problem because I've let her do it, and somewhere along the lines I'm probably wasting money I shouldn't be spending either. So I'm proposing that I too will not be allowed my bank card or credit card either and that my weekly cash allowance will be half of what hers is. These cards will stay at home and together we will review our bank account statements to make sure neither one cheated.
Does this seem like a fair or unfair thing to do?
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A common dilemma. . . . .
It might be as simple as two people who have differing personalities . . . . she never worries about the future and you can't help but worry about it all the time. It's who both of you are and, ominously, it's who you always will be.
It might be more serious too . . . . . . people, particularly women, who suffer depression issues find they can validate themselves in the short term by buying things, by spending money. A short term rush.
It can also be particularly selfish on the part of one person . . . . . she's doing all the spending while you're doing all the saving . . . . which means she's getting all the benefit and you're getting nothing. It's not a sexist observation as the flip side could be true as well. But the person on the wrong end of the stick will resent it eventually.
Pretty important to sit down and get it on the table and agree on a strategy.
But both have to be flexible. You don't need to be ultra-efficient and save every spare nickel or have a very aggressive debt repayment scheme . . . but you also don't have to be down to your last nickel when the paycheque arrives on the 15th . . . . . or face an overdraft of a couple thousand every month because someone is selfish.
My buttinski thoughts.
Cowperson