[Cowperson]

The best way to honour and remember Rodney Dangerfield:

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.-- (Back to School, 1986)

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

My wife was afraid of the dark...then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap....He was in the electric chair.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

Cowperson