My wife and I are a child-free (by choice) couple, and we most certainly have been accused of being "selfish" before by condescending -- and perhaps envious -- parents.
My standard reply is to ask the accuser why they chose to have children. The most common answers are some combination of the following:
- I want to experience the joys of parenthood
- I love children and want to be a mother/father
- I want someone who will care for me when I'm old
- I don't want to die alone
- I want to continue my family name (or some other variation of the "leave a legacy" theme)
Every single one of those reasons is completely selfish. Nobody ever chooses to have children solely for the altruistic benefit of humanity.
I'll be the first to admit that raising children properly involves making many personal sacrifices*, but don't fool yourself into thinking that the decision to choose to have children is any less selfish than the decision to choose to remain child-free. We all make choices based on what we believe will result in the greatest amount of happiness in our lives. For some people, that means having children; for others, it does not.
*However, I posit that most parents will admit that the sacrifices and hardships are worth it for the joy their children bring. I'll leave it as an exercise to the reader to determine if all of the parents who say that are being honest with themselves or not.
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