Quote:
Originally Posted by Nyah
I even did a Google search to try to find & read articles and blogs calling the childless selfish, and all I found were articles and blogs with the childless defending themselves. I couldn't find a single (reputable) article accusing people who choose to not have kids 'selfish'. From what I read it just seemed like a bunch of people trying to justify their choice for not having kids even though there really was no need for justification. I don't get it. Does this supposed negativity come from family, friends, coworkers, etc.?
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My own mother has called me selfish, not even for closing the door on children (I haven't gone THAT far yet), but simply being non-committal in saying I will or will not have them. One time it was simply for saying "I don't want them yet". I just turned it right around and said it's pretty selfish to want someone else to go through a major life event just so you can have grandkids.
If you want kids, great. If you don't want them, that's also great. But having kids when you don't want them is stupid. Having kids and realizing it was not up to par with what you'd been sold on, that's reality and there is nothing wrong with being able to recognize that parenting isn't all dressing your kid up and Kodak moments as it looks to some naïve childless folk.
In the context of the article, I wouldn't say it's selfish that you went in wanting one kid and were disappointed / regretted that you ended up with two. It's a lot of work, and a lot of money. You had planned and budgeted (as responsible parents-to-be would) for one child, now that's turned on its head. This isn't like leaving the pet store with two hamsters when you only went in wanting one, there's wee bit more at stake here.
Parents are still people who have their own desires, goals, dreams, etc. I don't think it's selfish to want to accomplish other things aside from just being someone's mom or dad, or to be able to live a certain way (so long as living said way doesn't negatively impact the child). And if the above may negatively impact having and caring for a child, then you shouldn't have them. That's not being selfish, that's being
responsible.