[CaptainCrunch]

I can just see it now

Opening scene Luke wakes up and stumbles over to his coffee machine he rubs his eyes and grabs a cup and starts pouring a cup.

He hears a popping sound behind him and Yoda Ghost pops out of thin air

"Yoda Ghost - "Hope decaf that is, better for you it can be"

Luke shakes his head

Luke - "What are you talking about, its just coffee"

Yoda - "Oh young one, caffine leads to edginess, edginess leads to road rage and road rage leads to the dark side.

Luke - "Oh come on that's not true."

Yoda - "when 900 year old ghost you become take lip from bratty whiner you won't take either"

And Yoda vanishes. Luke stumbles over to his T.V. or holo or whatever, his Chewbacca brand slippers raising sparks on the suspiciously 70's style shag carpet. He turns on Starfox news and looks over with a start to see Obi Wan Kenobi's ghost sitting beside him. Not the old Obi-one, but the younger more rakish dream boaty one.

Obi Wan - "I once watches StarFox news, before the dark times, before the empire"

Luke - "Oh, this is getting stupid, what are you talking about"

Obi - "Luke sometimes we have to realize that the truths that we see on Starfox news are only truths in a certain point of view. Oh crap Space Oprha is on, gotta dust"

He vanishes and somewhere in a GFFA Ewan MacGregor opens his mailbox and waives a check around. Meanwhile Luke feels a chill and turns aroung and he's sitting nose to nose with Ghost Palpatine.

Ghost Palpatine - "You know I have to know, when I shot you up with a billion volts of electricity did you crap your pants? cause I didn't see any fires in the wiring but something stank"

Luke - "Of course not, I'm a Jedi just like my father before me and Jedi don't crap their pants"

Palpatine chuckles

Palpaghost - "Look kid I hate to break it to you, but your dad didn't even have any intestines. We fed him a liquid diet, and he basically had a tap under his cape.

Personally that whole dinner with Solo and the rest . . . don't really get that at all"

Luke gets up and storms to the bathroom a Jar Jar Binks ghosts flickers into being and Luke roles his eyes and storms through him. Jar Jar's head dips in a look of total butt hurt as Luke slams the bathroom door and lifts up his Jedi Robes and sits on the toilet. He looks up and recoils as there's a ghost in a scruffy set of overalls and a Light mop.

Luke - "Who the hell are you"

Ghost - "Names Oscar, I was a janitor at the Jedi Temple when order 66 hit. After they did order 66 you know kill all Jedi, they executed order 72, kill everyone else"

Luke - "Get out I'm trying to poop"

Oscar - "all right all right, just light a match when your done"

Luke finishes and opens the bathroom door his apartments filled with ghosts. We've got minor characters from the EU, three different Harrison Ford ghosts including an Indian Jones ghost and a Blade Runner ghost. The cantina ban plays ghostly music while Jabba's Rancor eyes them up from the corner. The only other real person in the room is that brat from the 6th sense but he's looking like he's on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Luke sneaks out of the house and looks up to see ghost Owen and Beru. Beru being the typical mother figure start in on Luke

Beru - "Look at you a Jedi Knight, I bet that doesn't pay well. I bet you didn't even graduate high school and go to the academy like you always said you were. Look at your cousin, Hymie Skywalker, he's a doctor you know, has a big house just outside of Mos Eisley with a wife and two kids. I always wanted to be a grandmother."

Owen - "Will you lay off the boy, I bet he became a great moisture farmer, stayin home, the simple life, never knowing who his father is."

Suddenly the ghost of Anakin pops up sans armor

Owen - "Oh crap"

fini