Who's the funniest person you've found on Twitter so far?
I haven't exactly gone searching or anything, but so far I've only really found one person that makes me laugh with (almost) every tweet. I have no clue who she even is, either, which is annoying the heck out of me (not really)...
https://twitter.com/Schmoodles
Quote:
@Schmoodles
My friend texts "ur" instead of "you're" but puts extra letters in "so" because she's "soooo happy." This is why everyone hates you, Julie.
|
Quote:
@Schmoodles
If you tell me to make myself at home, don't be surprised when I take my pants off and drink all your vodka.
|
Quote:
@Schmoodles
It's totally amazing how cars run on dinosaur poop or however the #### fossils work. I'm not a dinosaur scientition over here. ####'s sake.
|
Quote:
@Schmoodles
If you've never had a 4 hour conversation about which cartoon character gives the best blowjobs, then I question your commitment to tequila.
|
Quote:
@Schmoodles
Kurt Cobain shot himself because he couldn't live with the guilt of drowning 18 babies to get 1 usable photo for an album cover.
|
Quote:
@Schmoodles
Misplaced apostrophes are just as annoying as the question mark I've used here?
|
Quote:
@Schmoodles
"Cheese cannon!" "Terminator eyes!" "Solar powered cat translator!" I'm the reason genies limit you to 3 wishes.
|
Quote:
@Schmoodles
I like to stand next to someone else's screaming baby, call an ex boyfriend, and tell him, "We need to talk!"
|
Quote:
@Schmoodles
I copied my Match.com bio from a used car website. - White. - Good condition. - Reliable. - Cheap. - Some evidence of rear end damage.
|
Quote:
@Schmoodles
You can lead a horse to water but you can't be a vegan and shut the #### up about it.
|
Quote:
@Schmoodles
Some men like to attach their wallet to their cargo shorts with a chain, and some men like not being virgins.
|
Quote:
@Schmoodles
If you're not cupping its imaginary balls as you eat a banana, then that banana will find someone who will.
|
Quote:
@Schmoodles
If you're friends with a midget & don't introduce them by saying, "Say hello to my little friend!" in a Cuban accent, then go #### yourself.
|
Quote:
@Schmoodles
One tequila...
Two tequilas...
Threee tuquilas...
Cuatro teqiulas!!! haha...
I ####in' love you teqilaaass...
Hahahahaaaaha fukc lolz8...
|
Who are some of the people you've found?