Quote:
Originally Posted by Hi-Psi
First of all, she isn't trying to change everything about me. Second of all, she isn't trying to pry me away from my friends because she doesn't like them.
I guess it's hard for questions like this to get the perfect answers when asked on a forum as none of the people actually know all the details and it's hard to put every detail in here as it would take ages to write it all up.
Basically, she wants to move to Red Deer to be closer to work, to her family and some of her friends. She also likes the idea of raising a family in the a smaller city rather than in the big city and would really like to have an acreage. Kids of course are 3-5 years away so that's the least of the concerns right now.
She loves my friends, they're really OUR friends and we always have a great time together in Calgary. She has even said that she is willing to come to Calgary and brave the long drive to/from work to make sure we still have the social life that we have come accustomed. The problem is that she sees that she's compromising to make our lives better but doesn't see where I am compromising and doesn't know if I'll ever be willing to compromise my wants/needs for the good of our relationship.
While I do see where she is coming from, I have stated that I would consider a "country" type home when the time came but that I just wasn't ready for that at this point in my life.
To the people that say "Screw her and the relationship is over" I highly doubt they have ever been in a long term relationship before or else they have never cared enough about a person in a long term relationship to truly understand this situation.
We have been talking over the last few days in depth about a lot of the issues mentioned in this thread and we are still trying to come up with the best solution. This isn't easy for either of us, we want to make sure we do what is best for us.
I know I am being selfish by wanting to live in Calgary, I know that I a choosing this city, with our friends and my family over her job. I feel bad that she would have to make the trek back and forth to work, just wish she was able to find something closer to town, that would solve that issue. The problem with finding work closer to town, they work a 4 on/off rotation and she really likes the 2 on/4 off, I don't fault her for that, I would prefer the 2/4 as well.
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Couple questions for you. When you get home after 3 weeks of work, how do you spend your time? Are you visiting friends and family the whole time? Is it by yourself or with her? Also, if you wish she got a job in Calgary then why not you as well?
I see her point in all this. There is absolutely no compromise on your part. They aren't OUR friends, they're YOUR friends who have welcomed her into their circle. It's YOUR family, YOUR job and YOU might consider country living. Maybe she just wants to start a life with you and being in Calgary with all YOUR stuff makes her feel like a third wheel.
At the same time, there is room for her to be more flexible. If the relationship is to work, you both need to give up something big.