A close friend of mine went through a similar situation, where his mother-in-law was constantly interfering; the way my friend described to me, it sounded like his wife was being controlled by her mum, with all sorts of accusations being thrown at him. The wife basically chose her mum over building her own family unit, even after they had a kid. Ultimately, they ended up going through a nasty divorce.
The way I see it, your wife has to be the one who stands up and tells her parents to stop interfering and be willing to put her family unit over her parents. If she chooses to continue to be the doormat, nothing will change, unless you walk away (sorry!)
Quote:
Originally Posted by tenyardrambo
Wow to all the responses. Let me answer most questions.
When I was dating my wife, she was very independant when it came to the basics of life. Paying rent to a landlord(who was her supervisor at the time), buying groceries, small time budgeting. Like I mentioned about government entitlements, she somehow slipped into a certain disability category when she was in elementary, now she gets money from the government to supplement her income. I legally had to send in paystubs to the government so they can see how much I was making. When we first got married the government wouldnt allow me to fax them in directly, so I had to give it to my mother in law. That p1ssed me off big time. Now I make enough that the entitlement period is no longer in play. This is another part where the first month of marriage was h3ll with my inlaws, they had to see my income.
I have no idea if they had witnessed someone close who had drinking problems but I know that they do drink wine at home on a weekly basis. Hypocracy? yep!
I have sat down with them and told them to mind their business in a nice way but the stuff that is said behind my back is quite frustrating. From being a 'drunk', controlling, manipulative, obsessive.
I am showing my wife how to say no and mean it. Instead of giving in. If she sticks up for herself, she is being told by her family that I am controlling her. Whenever someone wants something to be done with/by my wife, it needs to be NOW, drop whatever she is doing and assist.
Most of the above posts are right, she needs to stop being very emotionally attached and live her life, I cant control it(irony) its up to her.
I have told my inlaws a few times that our life is ours and we need no middleman. The mother in law always says 'yes you do'. Thats when I leave.
I tried being nice, I have nipped at them but it is coming close to a lose lose situation.
Another problem is my mother in law will always try to isolate my wife from me, going out to lunch or coffee. She asks my wife the oddest questions about if I have been talking about moving outside of Calgary? I made a joke once when they were showing how much housing prices costs in the States and said 'hey lets move there! big house costs the same as our average sized house here in Calgary.' That leaked out and next 'family' function, I was accused of trying to separate everyone by that moving to the states comment.
The end result is that I cant talk, communicate with my inlaws without them b1itching about something.
I tried being the peacemaker but now I am on my last string.
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