Did anyone watch this weeks premiere? What an absolute disgrace this show has become. They are even running some sort of stupid Twitter/social media contest to create a couch gag... just sad really.
In other news one episode I find that is highly underrated is "Bart Gets an Elephant"; usually I don't really like unrealistic episodes, but man there has to be more great jokes in that episode than almost any other. I swear there has to be a great line every 30 seconds.
Here are just a few of my favorites:
Bart: Uh, it's hard for us to leave when you're standing there, Mom.
Homer: [cheery] Push her down, son.
Homer: All done.
Marge: You're not done. I want you to throw away these old calendars
and TV Guides.
Homer: Are you mad, woman? You never know when an old calendar might
come in handy. Sure, it's not 1985 now, but who knows what
tomorrow will bring? And these TV Guides: [fondly] so many
memories.
[opens one] "Gomer upsets Sergeant Carter"...oh, I'll never
forget that episode.
[imagines]
Carter: [annoyed] Pyle!
Gomer: Shazam!
Carter: Pyle!
Gomer: Shazam!
Carter: Pyle!
Gomer: Shazam!
Homer: Heh heh heh...Shazam.
Marge: Stop remembering TV and get back to work!
Homer: What's the point of all this cleaning? Are we so vain?!
Marge: Homer...it looks like it could gore.
Homer: Heh heh...it _does_ look like Al Gore.
Marge: I really think this is a bad idea.
Homer: Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory.
Lisa: He's hungry. Here you go Stampy: [holds a platter] eat it slow.
It has to last for --
[Stampy grabs it all at once]
You ate it too fast.
Homer: Maybe if we tied it down so it couldn't move it wouldn't get so hungry.
Homer: Uh, Milhouse saw the elephant twice and rode him once,
right?
Mrs. Van Houten: Yes, but we paid you $4.
Homer: Well, that was under our old price structure. Under
our new price structure, your bill comes to a total of
$700. Now, you've already paid me $4, so that's just
$696 more that you owe me.
Mr. Van Houten: Get off our property.
lackheart: All right, I'll be back in the morning to pick up Stampy.
Homer: Here's the keys.
Blackheart: Elephants don't have keys.
Homer: Well, I'll just keep these then.
Lisa: Mom! Dad! Bart and Stampy are gone!
Marge: Oh my Lord!
Lisa: I bet it's 'cause of that horrible ivory dealer, [accusing]
_Dad_.
Homer: That wasn't part of our deal, Blackheart. That wasn't part!
Homer: Forget it! That elephant cost me thousands of dollars.
Lisa: Dad, how would _you_ like to be sold to an ivory dealer?
Homer: I'd like it fine.
Bart: Even if he killed you and made your teeth into piano keys?
Homer: Yes, of course I would! Who wouldn't like that -- to be part of
the music scene?
Homer: I guess it wouldn't be right to sell Stampy after he saved my
life. And the boy seems to have some sort of relationship with
him.
Bart: Thanks, Dad.
Homer: On the other hand, who's to say what's right these days, what
with all our modern ideas...and products?
[Bart and Lisa look angrily at him]
All right, we'll give the stupid elephant to the stupid animal
refuge.
Kids: Yay! [hug Homer]
Bart: Uh, Mom? We're stuck to Dad.
Marge: Mmm, this is just what happened at the caramel factory.
[pulls them off]
Lisa: Ow, my hair!
Homer: Mmm, caramel.
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