So sorry about your loss. Don't beat yourself up. Lots of people fall of the wagon for a time. The trick is to make it a short time and then get back to doing what you know is the right thing. If it helps, My dad died from smoking 6 years ago and the last time I saw him alive we both promised eachother we would quit smoking for good. He died one week later. I stuck to my promise and never touched another cigarette. It remains a bond he and I have to this day. My advice: make a deal with your dad right now. Tell him (he's listening) you are quitting for good and could use his help getting through it.
Good luck man.
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