I had a creepy neighbour once. A big fat guy called Nibsy. He lived on the floor below me and he was a hard drinking heavy equipment operator. A bloated, belligerent, farting, belching, swearing, stinking drunken oaf. He'd be out working for months and then he would come back and go on a bender that you wouldn't believe and he always wanted me to take part.
Being a good neighbour, the first time he asked I took him up on his offer of "come on down for a beer" and it was an eyeopener. He was pounding beers at the rate of probably 6 or 7 an hour and doublefisting doobies and Du Maurier cigarettes. The guy's intake of intoxicants was staggering. And he was one of those guys that won't take no for an answer, seriously I was scared to say no, to his offers of "have another beer and take another toke of this". That didn't help, believe me.
Anyhow, I learned pretty quick to avoid him, and I learned to prance around like a mouse when he was home so he wouldn't hear me and insist that I go to his dungeon and get stinking drunk and high at all hours of the day.
One time he got wise to me and he just came knocking and barged right in with 6 beers in his hand with a sob story that the fascists at Dial-A-Bottle were refusing to deliver liquor to his apartment because he was so rude to all the drivers. He needed me to phone and have the booze delivered to my house and he would cut me in on the deal with a case of beer for myself. Thinking I would get rid of him and land a case of beer in the process, I called them up and the dispatcher said, "that sounds like Nibsy's address, this isn't for Nibsy is it, because we won't deliver anything to that *******" and I said "who is Nibsy"?
So the beer gets delivered but Nibsy decides to stay in my apartment and complain about the world. Eventually he wonders what it is I do and I told him I'm in university studying english and his eyes light up and he hauls himself out of the chair and says "I'll be right back". He lumbers down to his apartment and returns clutching a raggedy ass sheaf of papers and throws them on the table and says "this is the book I'm writing and I want you to tell me what you think".
I tried to read it while he sat there barking at me about his big plans to be an author and drinking beer. It was a spaceman story and the main character's name was "Buck". I told him that there was already a famous spaceman named "Buck" and maybe he'd be better off coming up with a different name. He didn't like that at all and so he began to threaten me with a little violence and "who the hell do you think you are booklearnin' whippersnapper drinking all my beer sonofabitch".
I was pretty spooked to have this guy, who probably outweighed me by 200 pounds, offering this kind of commentary in my tiny apartment so I told him he had to leave because I had somewhere to go. Eventually he calmed down enough to get out the door but not until he told me several stories of the beatings he had laid on people for transgressions not nearly as offensive as mine and I was very lucky to be getting out of there with all my teeth.
I shoulda phoned the cops. He probably would have strangled me with the phone cord and shoved his book down my throat for good measure.
Wow. What a rambling story. I had forgotten all about Nibsy. Thanks for reminding me!
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