[Forever Flames]

Taking a page out of UFC President Dana White's playbook, the San Jose Sharks new GM Logan Flathers has decided to take the podium and address the fans directly and commit the press and media to silence.

GM Flathers: I would like to thank everyone for coming; we greatly appreciate the fan support, especially through a failed season in addition to all of the swirling rumors of unethical conduct by the previous management group; of which I will make no comment.

We have a "Rock Solid Plan" going forward that has been presented to ownership and ownership has given me full autonomy going forward to make any decision necessary to improve the current state of the franchise.

We have scouted the league and I assure you we have identified a group of players that we think can help us be a contender and I guarantee you that we WILL procure some of them. I refuse to sit on this roster and see what happens; we all know where this road goes.

With that said, I will be as candid as possible while answering your questions; the floor is now open.


First fan: Good afternoon GM Flathers, I fancy myself as someone who "knows" certain goings on in the hockey world and I would appreciate it if....

GM Flathers: Let me cut you off! Security, take this basement dwelling, bottom feeding hippy out of here immediately and use as much force and prejudice as necessary!

First fan: Wait what?!

GM Flathers: Ektard, I know who you are, I could smell your rotten Cheetos and chili dog breath when you walked in...now take a hike!

*Crowd cheers*

GM Flathers: Anyone else that isn't JUST a fan want to walk out on your own 2 feet before we drag you out?

*Bruce Dowbiggin stands up from the crowd, sneers, takes off his giant affro wig, 70s cop sun glasses, and fake gold chain and throws them on the floor in a hissy and stomps out with his blue track suit in tact*

*Crowd cheers*

GM Flathers: Now then, let’s get back to business, next?

Second fan: You mentioned you are going to make changes, can you tell us who on the team we might see gone next year? I don't want to sound like an emotional Shark fanatic, and although I look like a homeless crazy Steve Buschemi I'm not crazy, seriously, but I really hate watching Havlat, Komisarek, and Bryan Allen and would prefer they played someone else...or got hit by a bus.

GM Flathers: Me too! One way or another, they won't be back next year, read into that what you will.

Third fan: Are you planning on a long rebuild, a quick re-tool, or adding for a championship?

GM Flathers: There will be no rebuild, or even a re-tool, we are going for a Cup and that means we will be turning picks and prospects into useful roster players. We're looking at upgrades and other star players to add to the roster.

Fourth fan: Looks like you might have a ton of cap room going in to UFA season, planning on spending that?

GM Flathers: DUH Homer! Were you not just listening?

Fifth fan: Are we going to just add older players who still have some skill left and hope for the best or will we see a young energized group of talented players.

GM Flathers: The younger guys will be tougher to get but we will stay somewhat young and fill out the secondary positions with veterans. It takes a good mix to win a cup and we plan on building it properly. We ARE going to sell the farm, but not for vets, we will have a solid core going forward for years to come.

GM Flathers: I'd like to stay and chat but my Blackberry is ringing and we might have some news about a new player or players soon for you all. Thanks for coming and don't forget to kick or punch Ektard on your way back to your car, I hear he is bleeding in the parking lot.