Personally I'm not a fan of Oahu at all but if you would rather be in a big city then the Waikiki strip and Honolulu might be for you.
My parents moved to the Big Island ~6 years ago so I have spent a lot of time exploring there but no experience with Maui yet. From what I've heard its a great island for the family too.
The Big Island is known to be more on the quiet side so not a lot of night life but that doesn't sound what you would be looking for. It does offer a wide range of activities for the family. For example, it has the only active volcano and the lava flows can be viewed quite easily (best at night) although the only way to get real close up is by helicopter or boat these days ($$). The snorkeling and beaches are very good particularly on the Kona side. My favorite snorkeling spot is called the City of Refuge which is south of Kona. Waters are almost always very calm and clear so you will be able to see tons of tropical fish and usually sea turtles. Near there is the Captain Cook monument where he first landed in Hawaii and in that bay I've had the pleasure of swimming with dolphins. If swimming isn't your thing you can go on boat or kayak tours to see dolphins or whales depending on the time of year although of course there are no guarantees of what you will see. Other suggestions would be to visit the Mauna Kea Observatories. You can drive up to the top and the scenery is surreal, similar to what I imagine the moon to be like. The elevation is 4,205m so its common for there to be snow up there in the winter and its high enough to get altitude sickness which is something to be aware of. There are also other touristy things to do such as luaus, ziplines or atv tours but all of the islands offer these types of activities. The Kona side is very dry and receives almost no rain whatsoever so you are guaranteed to get a lot of sun. On the other hand, the east side is very wet and more tropical and possess some amazing waterfalls. You will definitely want to rent a car for the duration of your trip as most of the best spots are quite far apart.
I've gotten a little carried away so sorry for the book! No matter which Island you chose I'm sure you guys will have a great time and if you do go the Big Island and want more info I'm happy to answer any questions.
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