Quote:
Originally Posted by Cluelessboy
Hi I ask this because usually when someone is in their 30's, theyre in the process of getting married and having kids, starting a family (if not already). Im almost 31 and have been single for 2.5 years now (I wont get into that right now, but im finding it very difficult to meet a nice woman in this city, for example, one whos not a gold digger).
When you're in your 20s, ok...youre still young and thats the time when you focus on school and career and play and test the waters. But to me when youre in your 30s youre in a different scenario, cause I dont want to be getting married and having kids when Im in my 40's.
So for any of you in your 30s and still single, but want a family eventually, do you find it more stressful now being in your 30s than say 20s? How do you keep patient and hopeful? Do you have family harassing you asking when youre going to get married? lol 
And before someone says "youre still young, you have lotssss of time"....unfortunately I dont see it that way, cause getting married is a long process, it takes many years to get to know someone on a marriage comfort level. And when youre single it just eats up valuable time. But Im just not the type who will propose to a girl 3 weeks after meeting lol. When I was in college my goal was to get married by 30.  |
You're not far off my situation. I'm 31, and am just now in the middle of my first serious relationship in over a decade. Here's what I think, for what it's worth.
Your post suggests to me that you're making 2 big mistakes.
Mistake number one: you're buying into what you think are social norms about marriage. In short, you think marriage is the right thing for everyone, and that there's a certain expiry date associated with it. Neither of these things is true. You don't have to get married, and you don't have to do it by a certain time. You're putting pressure on yourself needlessly. You have to let those expectations go.
Number two: if you really are after a serious relationship, you're screwing it up when it comes to who you're targeting as a potential partner. If you are seriously finding that most of the girls you meet are "gold diggers" you're going about this entirely the wrong way. You need to stop buying in to the whole marketing image of femininity: some chick with big boobs, blond hair, who's made up, has a tight figure, and is regularly found in bars. Most women aren't like that (in fact,even
those women aren't like that: they're just pretending to be). So be prepared to broaden your horizons and find someone who's good for you, not someone who looks like what you think she should look like. There are lots of girls who don't need the make up and fake boobs to be beautiful: find one of those. And most girls aren't gold diggers. If you're only meeting the few that are, there's something drastically wrong with how you're screening them.
The best thing you can do is get to know yourself: what you want; what you hope for the future; what kind of person you want to share that future with. Then you have to take active steps to find that person, rather than just hoping they appear in your life. You have to work for what you want.
And ignore the pressures other people are putting on you. They're not you, and what's right for them isn't necessarily what's right for you. Know your own heart, follow it, and be brave about it.
You'll be fine.