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Part II

Additional Dion Phaneuf Facts

• Dion Phaneuf once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
• Crop circles are Dion Phaneuf' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.
• Dion Phaneuf is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Dion Phaneuf out. It failed miserably.
• Contrary to popular belief, Dion Phaneuf, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
• If you ask Dion Phaneuf what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
• Dion Phaneuf drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
• When Dion Phaneuf sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Dion Phaneuf has not had to pay taxes, ever.
• The quickest way to a man's heart is with Dion Phaneuf' fist.
• Dion Phaneuf invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
• Dion Phaneuf can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
• There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Dion Phaneuf allows to live.
• Dion Phaneuf once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
• In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Dion Phaneuf.
• Dion Phaneuf is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
• Police label anyone attacking Dion Phaneuf as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
• Dion Phaneuf doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
• Dion Phaneuf doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
• A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Dion Phaneuf and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
• Dion Phaneuf will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
• Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Dion Phaneuf jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
• Dion Phaneuf originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Phaneuf replied, "That's no glitch."
• Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Dion Phaneuf once and he will **** you up.
• The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Dion Phaneuf played in second grade.
• Dion Phaneuf once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Dion Phaneuf once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
• Simply by pulling on both ends, Dion Phaneuf can stretch diamonds back into coal.
• Dion Phaneuf is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Dion Phaneuf.
• Faster than a speeding bullet .. more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Dion Phaneuf's warm-up exercises.
• Dion Phaneuf is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
• In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Dion Phaneuf turned that wine into beer.
• In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Dion Phaneuf could use to kill you, including the room itself.