Quote:
Originally Posted by Rathji
I agree 100%.
As I mentioned in my previous post, as a parent of the SK, I would be very upset with him when spoke with him. On the other hand, if I was the FK parent, the first thing I would do when he got home is say I am glad he stuck up for himself, BUT he did so in a way that could have been pretty dangerous. I would point out ways he could have better handled the situation, and make him understand that even though he was upset and snapped, he needed to control and funnel that emotion so it didn't get him in trouble in the future.
However, I don't think, given our limited perspective on this incident, that the FK could have done much to have it end up differently. Had he "pushed him on his butt", do you think it would have stopped the SK? I wouldn't bet on it. SK had peer pressure from 2 friends and the fact that the incident was being video taped. If he let a little shove deter him, he would be a laughing stock. The only way this would end well for FK in the long term, is a severe reaction. If he pushes him on his butt and runs away, what happens? He tells a teacher? His parents? Obviously he felt this wouldn't do anything since he had not successfully used either method in the past (or the kid would not have been bullying him).
Since a severe action is the only positive outcome for FK, you have a few options.
1) Use a weapon, either immediately or in the future sometime. Obviously a bad choice.
2) Use the force of his body, in the uncontrolled manner that he did
3) Use some sort of controlled strike or hold to stop the current encounter and prevent further encounters.
4) Contact a person in a position of authority, which the system had lead you to believe will help you in this situation. They can apply the proper sanctions to the individuals deserving.
5) Disregard the possibility of a positive outcome and submit to a beating and humiliation in front of your schoolmates and potentially a large audience on the internet.
Of these options, obviously #4 is the best choice, but that depends on the "system" being one that doesn't implicitly support bullying by neglecting to punish those who perpetrate it. That doesn't exist, and is the root of the problem here.
The next best choice is #3, because the FK only uses the amount of force required to subdue and prevent future encounters. The problem with this choice is it requires training. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to realize he has none of that training, nor the foreseeable prospects of getting it.
#1 is obviously the last thing we want to see happen.
Unless you are suggesting that he takes #5 as the option, there really is only one choice here, yet you are condemning him for using it because it make you squeamish when he did it? Just because it might have physically hurt the inconsiderate little prick who was tormenting him and causing even more emotional damage than any body slam could possibly muster?
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Thank you for your thoughtful post.
My entire comments in this section were based on what I would do if my kid reacted that way. And, I think I've learned a lesson in all of this.
Everyone has a different mind set when it comes to watching this video. Maybe they were the ones that were bullied, maybe they were ones that walked away, maybe they are the ones who did the bullying.
I would hope, and feel comfortable with the fact that my kids woudn't be in this situation.
1) My oldest is huge and plays football and basketball and is very popular. He doesn't allow anyone to bully his friends and he's never ever been a bully/been in trouble for being a bully. I think I've raised him well.
2)My youngest son has been taking Tae Kwon Do with me for years and although he's small, he's never had any issues getting picked on.
3) I teach fitness classes each morning that deal with marital arts and self defense and I think differently on the subject.
For the record, I always called the bully a little turd. I just hate to see kids get physically hurt. I hate to think of violence with kids, and violent reciprocation. The emotional hurt goes way beyond the physical.