Quote:
Originally Posted by mikey_football
Dog. Farts.
My poor old dog is turning 9, and all of a sudden she has just started crankin' them out like no tomorrow. No change of diet, or anything. Even my 89 year old grandfather (who can barely smell/hear/etc...) notices them farts during Thanksgiving, christmas, etc.
The best is when she is sleeping, and absolutely lets one rip. She wakes herself up, looks at us, then sniffs the air like "who was that?" Then follows the smell all the way to her butt. She then looks at us stupidly like: "was that me?" Then proceeds to fall back asleep like nothing happened.
Yes you dumb dog. You cleared my grandfather's nostrils and sent my 5 year old daughter into stitches......thanks.  |
My previous dog had a hilarious reaction when it came to his farts. He would be sitting around minding his own business, as dogs are apt to do, when out of nowhere we'd hear pop one out. Firstly, I've never had a dog that had audible farts before. As a matter of fact, my current dog will sleep right through it when she releases her own unique SBD concoction of "boiling vomit, rotting garlic & squirrel". She'll peel the paint off the walls, send us running for cover and not even open her eyes. I'm pretty sure she revels in. If she had thumbs I'm pretty sure she'd grab a blanket and Dutch Oven herself. Anyhoo...unlike my current WMD my previous dog was loud, harmless and hilarious. He'd toot and jump up like some invisible fart monster was attacking his arse. We have hardwood mostly so we'd hear his nails frantically trying to get some traction to escape from the terrible beast. Once in a while we'd be in another room in the house and hear him scrambling on the hardwood for dear life and we knew that his fart-arse monster was after him.
By the way, I heard once that Ethel Merrimen filed for divorce from Ernest Borgnine (RIP) because he would give her the Dutch Oven on a regular basis.
Yep, here it is>
http://www.democraticunderground.com...ss=105x6346649
Quote:
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But things weren't exactly coming up roses for the Merm: she was allegedly subjected to the silent and deadly "Dutch Oven," which involved Borgnine releasing toxic fumes in bed while trapping her under the sheets.
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My hero.