Quote:
Originally Posted by jammies
Yes, there is a point in "wallowing" in what happened and why. If you don't look critically at your actions and the reactions of those around you, you go on through life obliviously certain that whatever you do, you must be in the right. Maybe some wallowing will help peter see where he didn't recognize the signs that she was unhappy, or the signs she was cheating. Maybe she could do with some guilty introspection to understand why she was too much of an emotional coward to initiate a breakup instead of betraying him.
I thought I was talking to you about your obvious implication that it was ok for this cheater to cheat because she was unhappy. "She just wasn't happy and thats ok too" looks like you expect him to forgive her for being too selfish to grab her vagina and quiet it down for long enough to act like an adult.
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I agree that looking critically at the actions and reactions of those around you is important, and I'll add that looking critically at yourself in the relationship is crucial at this stage, but I wouldn't call that wallowing. That is exactly what needs to be done by
both individuals so they can move on, avoid similar mistakes and pain in the future, and to grow in the ways they need to grow to have whole, positive and healthy relationships going forward.
I was not implying in my first post that it was ok for the cheater to cheat. I don't know how you got that. It never is ok, and its a really poor way to deal with your emotions and she will face consequences for doing so for a very long time. But yes, I would hope that at some point forgiveness for a selfish action woud come into play because people make mistakes, and it really isn't going to do Peter any good to hang onto a bitter memories and emotions. Not everyone he deals with in his future is gong to behave the way she did.
It is ok that she wasn't happy, but it wasn't ok how she chose to deal with it. Niether thing was in his control, and now he has the choice to throw a pity party and feel wronged or morally superior or whatever, or just look at it as what it is... a mistake and something that should have ended sooner. Which do you think will give him the better chance at having healthy relationships in his future? All Peter can do is look at it from that point of view and let it go so he can move on.. its not justifying anything, its just not making out to be bigger or more complicated than she wasn't happy and wasn't mature enough to deal with it in an adult way. It is what it is.