Music purchased on iTunes can be used on up to 5 computers and on unlimited mobile devices. I would say that this means you can share iTunes accounts.
Not sure about apps though.
I am not sure on this but what you sync with your phone is dependent upon the phone itself, and what you set up to sync. For shows and music, you can say you want it synced according to X settings and your wife says I want Y synced. This works for music, video, iTunesU content and podcasts, I assume it works for everything else, including apps, contacts and calendars as well, but i have never tried it. I assume you could use a different Google calendar, for example, for each device.
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