Be careful when booking into German Hostels
Hostel Clerk: Hello, and welcome to Amsterdam's finest and most luxurious youth hostel. We feature one medium sized room containing 70 beds which can sleep up to 375 bodies a night. There is no bathroom. Nor is there one nearby. If you do not wish to have your valuables stolen I suggest destroying them or discarding them right now. You can also try hiding your valuables. In your anus. This will deter some but of course not all thieves. Once you are inside, the doors are chained and locked from the outside. They will not be opened again until morning, no matter what. Should a fire occur due to our faulty wiring or, uh, the fireworks factory upstairs you will be incinerated along with the valuables that you have hidden in your anus. Tips are greatly appreciated.
Make sure you know the Manchester United Song if you run into soccer holigans
Mad Maynard: If you're Manchester United supporters, sing the Manchester United song.
Scott: Excuse me? I'm sorry. I'm not much of a singer...
Mad Maynard: [
slams a beer bottle on the floor] Sing!
Scott: [
sings] My baby takes the mornin' train. / He works from nine to five and then / he takes another home again to find me... watching the Manchester United Football Team! Ah? The best freakin' team in all the land! Woo hoo!
MAke sure that you look up the famous club Vaandersex
Madame Vandersexxx: Welcome to Club Vandersexxx, Amsterdam's most erotic club. Where your every fantasy will be fulfilled.
Cooper: Also, says I get a free t-shirt with the flyer.
Madame Vandersexxx: He is American. How sad for you to grow up in a country that was founded by prudes. A country over run with crime and illiteracy. A country where a man is forced to make sex to only one woman at a time and one must learn the woman's name beforehand.
Cooper: It was horrible.
Madame Vandersexxx: I know, but you can come with me and let the Vandersexxx begin.
And don't forget the safe word