[CaptainCrunch]

When I was younger I had a serious drinking problem, and to go with that drinking problem I had other problems that I used alcohol to really self medicate.

I also found that when I drank I became a very unpleasant person to be around.

I also found that other people found me really unpleasant to be around when I went drinking.

But my problem was a little different from yours in that I had little in the way of self control. I didn't have a stop point, when I went, I went hard.

At one point when I was particularly depressed, I needed liquor just to sleep so I was drinking every single night, a couple of shots would mellow me out, but then there was that underlying desire to hop over to the nearest pub before closing time.

I was always good at hiding my problem from work, but not from my friends and family.

Your problem isn't severe yet, but your showing some pretty good signs of it moving to something far worse, and I might add far darker.

I grew up in a family of heavy drinkers, then I went into a work culture in the military where drinking was something that you did when you had downtime, then I went to college and drank some more. Finally I went from job to job, and I was never very happy with my personal life, I was and still do go through some really dark periods, so I tried to disguise that by being the happy party guy. But then when I really got going, I acted out, my inner stupidity and bully came out, I pushed my friends and family away because at some point, I became really ashamed of what I was doing and who I was.

I finally had one big event that I won't go into detail, but I couldn't even look in the mirror anymore without being disgusted. I also realized that I had blown the best part of my youth, and a ton of money.

I decided not to go to AA or anything like that because my drinking came down to deeper issues, so I went and got some counseling and also got referred to addiction counseling.

More importantly I reconciled with my family, and rebuilt the relationship with my old man that I had pissed away over some event that in hindsight was laughable.

With some help I did learn how to control that impulse when things go bad, or I'm feeling particularly dark that I can blow it off with a laugh and a few drinks.

I will still have a drink or two at a social setting, but I know enough about myself now to know when to stop and when to leave. Because my family knows about my tendencies after some frank discussions I have a support system that can pull me away from it.

A few weeks ago, during a disastrous vacation with my family and one member in particular I sat in the hotel lobby in Hamilton watching the pub and thinking that one drink at that point wouldn't kill me and probably make me feel better, but I was able to walk away.

You need to understand your triggers, and why you need to drink.

You need to build a support system that understands you and wants to help you get through this.

You need to reconcile with your triggers and understand the feelings that lead to your desire to drink.

You need to get help if you feel that the drinking is starting to dominate your life. I went to a private route and a referral route. But I have heard good things about AA, I believe that AADAC has a hot line, it might not hurt to contact them and ask for some frank advice..

For me, drinking was a crutch, and I understand that it still can be a crutch. My drinking problem doesn't come from the taste of the effect but from different reasons. Once you understand why you do a thing, once you bring that to life, then its easier to confront and control that.

To many people classify themselves as alcoholics without understanding why their alcoholics. They try to avoid booze without knowing why they need booze, and it becomes a giant temptation that calls them every hour of every day instead of trying to break its controlling element.

Anyways that's enough about me. I wish you luck in getting the help and understanding that you need both from yourself and whoever you ask for help.