I'm not sure this one wins on utility-maximizing.
If 18% of the population are offended by gay marriage (and I think that that the readership of this forum is relatively young, meaning that I think that number would be much higher for the general populace) - and they feel that their marriage suffers, their society suffers - then they suffer, whether those things are true or not.
The benefit of marriage to homosexuals is mostly beneficial to the gay community. Not wholely, as I benefit from feeling good that my country has come out of the stone age and is allowing a formerly condemned people to enjoy matrimony. But the real benefits are limited to a very small population.
Where this wins is if you follow the philosophy that every man or woman deserves the same freedoms, including the one to join in the most sacred of bonds between two loving people.
Really, I don't think the smacking around gingers wins on utilitiarian grounds either...
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