A friend of mine is getting divorced for very similar reasons. There is no specific event that caused them to separate. There was no cheating, no addictions, no abuse, just growing apart that eventually became fully grown apart. She felt if they didn't divorce they would end up hating each other and neither of them wanted that.
They have two kids, a home, joint investments and no lawyers. It is actually the healthiest "divorce" I've witnessed. They sat down, added up all the income and expenses, how much it would cost for him to get set up in an apartment. She was home raising kids so once she got a job, they sat down again, and together figured out how much money he would have to give her to keep up the bills on the family home and take care of the kids and a little extra for her to put in a savings account each month.
She and the kids will stay in the family house until the market picks up and then they can sell it and split the proceeds. He has a sizeable pension which he will give her half of when they divorce. Because medical insurance is so expensive at her new job, they've decided to put off actually getting divorced until she has access to better insurance, this way she and the kids are still covered with his. They live separate lives and never argue about money or badmouth the other parent to the kids. They made the decision early on that the kids were the most important thing in all of this and they needed to be impacted as little as possible. Its amazing when you decide to put the kids first and two people who are dedicated to being fair to the other, the nuts and bolts of the divorce can be pretty smooth.
The emotional part is draining enough, there is no need to get totally caught up in the game of yours and mine. You wouldn't believe how fast those kids got used to this new living arrangement and never question if both parents love them. I have nothing but respect for both of the adults in this situation. They should write a book on how to get divorced.
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