[dj_patm]

Learn driver communication!

Ever wonder what those weirdo's are doing playing with their high beams in broad daylight? Or why that guy flashed his hazards at you? Well unless you have a mental deficiency, you should already know!

"Hey buddy, stop flashing your high beams! I'm just trying to merge!!"

• - Shut up. You're stupid and you merge like Maryl Streep. We know what you're trying to do and if you have your signal light on but for some reason are to scared to adjust your speed and merge or change lanes, a courteous driver may flash his brights at you. This, believe it or not, does not mean "You're a F***tard." (although be aware, that is most likely what he is thinking).
  
  This is actually suppose to let you know that driver realizes what you're trying to do and is letting you in. In this situation the appropriate response is to do what you were originally trying to do and complete the merge/change lanes, not floor it or slam on your brakes and try the same routine somewhere else in traffic.

"Dude, stop flashing your brights at on coming traffic, it hurts my retinas!"

• Yes. This may in fact seem annoying at first, especially at night, but your retinas will survive and you will be happy that your peer did what he did.
  
  When someone flashes their brights into oncoming traffic, that driver is trying to warn you that there is something up the road that you may want to pay attention for. It could be animals, debris or other hazards on the road, even speed traps/cops... Knowing what the person is trying to tell you could actually save you money, if not your life so please, don't take this one for granted and slow down and be alert. Or you may wind up with more then just small pupils.
  
  Also it is common to flash your brakes rapidly as well (just by tapping them lightly) to let drivers know of obstacles in front of you as well... Or they're telling to you stop f'ing tailgating them.

"Hey Bus, Don't flash your hazards at me, you're a bus."

• Ah Europe... You bring us women, hairy women, Nordic women, the good half of the Russian women and slavery. You also brought us an alternative way of thanking our fellow drivers! Yup, next time you see someone flash their hazards at you after you kindly let them in or even if they cut you off like a total ###### canoe, they're really just saying "Thanks friend!" and if you ever get to know them, they may let you listen to their Ipod.
  
  You see putting your hand up can be deceiving, as it can be misconstrued as another common gesture. Also a lot of people have tinted back windows, or no back windows, so this a very common way of thanking someone for whatever kind gesture you appreciated.

Use the whole flipping merge lane!

"Im such a nice guy! I merge right away so that I make it as fair as possible for my fellow drivers who were waiting in this traffic jam far before I got here"

• You are a prick and I wish I could give you S.A.R.S.
  
  You see, there is a reason why god put a beautiful strip of asphalt down on his green earth right there, beside that main roadway... It's so that you use it! Merge lanes are their on purpose, they were not put there by accident or by bored construction workers. Please next time you try to merge into traffic and you decide to force yourself in right away, look behind you in to the rear view mirror and realize the back up you are causing.
  
  The further you drive down the more space opens up behind you, the more room there tends to be and the smoother traffic flows. You are not being a jerk when you do this, you are driving like you are suppose to! Open up a driving manual and you will see thats neatly printed there for you.

Slower Traffic Keep Right

"F- U! I'm going the speed limit, I can drive in whatever lane I want"

• No you cannot. You should drive into a wall.
  
  You see, the right lane is meant for driving in and the left, for passing. Unfortunately for you brightspots, we are one of the only places in the world where it is legal to pass on the right because there are just so many of you idiots that a law preventing it, just wouldn't work.
  
  Yes I realize that speeding is against the law and that you are driving the posted limit and you shouldn't have to move for those going over it. Well fact of the matter is, people are going to speed, you going on your little merry way, put-putting in the fast lane isn't going to change that. You have to realize that if you block someone they will tailgate you, weave through traffic or do something to get around you and that method is going to be far more dangerous then just going over the speed limit would be.
  
  If you are not passing then why on earth can you not just stick to the lane that everyone else going your speed is in? What posses you to say "No man screw this, I'm changing lanes." The people in front of you are not impeding you, there are no left hand exits, so what is your reasoning for being in this lane? Just stay in the RIGHT HAND LANE.

Driving maybe difficult for some of you to comprehend, you're old, you have a vagina, you maybe foreign and our crazy ways confuse you, but please, drive like a human being.

If you do not feel comfortable following these rules, or driving the speed limit, or merging, then get off the roads. Now. You're danger to others and you shouldn't be out there.

Thank you.