Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community - View Single Post

flip · 10-18-2009, 09:12 PM

One time I had a chick stay the night. For whatever reason I had an extremely upset/gassy stomach the next morning.

So she goes to watch TV and I head to the bathroom. This seemed to be perfect because if she was in my room my farting and stuff would have been audible from my room. The living room is on the same floor, just down the hallway, but I figured at least the TV would cover any noise I made.

So I tell her to relax and watch TV. Sure enough she just goes and sits down and doesn't even turn on the TV. This is only the 2nd or 3rd time we'd slept together IIRC and weren't dating (never did, it was just a FWB thing).

Anyway, at this point I have to let one rip so bad that I just can't wait for her to turn on the TV nor can I walk out there and force her to watch something because otherwise I'd probably have shat myself.

So I sit down on the can and my arse just explodes with gas. No diarrhea or anything, just a heinous multi burst like 10 part fart that was more style than substance but clearly audible from my living room. (this is all in my basement which is basically just my room, bathroom and living room all connected by one hallway.

I figure she's listening and probably planning her escape and is probably just terrified. Seemed to me I needed to lighten the mood.

So after I let out a considerable amount of very loud gas (and it always seems louder in a bathroom/on the can because of the echo, must be the porcelain and the tile) I let out - and intentionally loud enough so that she'd hear - "oh god" in a kind of a desperate whimper. I figured she'd think it was funny if I made light of the fact that it probably sounded to her like I had just shat out my large intestine.

It worked. From inside the bathroom I could hear her just absolutely lose her mind laughing. Shortly after, I came out she and she was still laughing. To this day I'm glad I made that joke because I'm not sure the tension would have been lifted without it.

I guess that wasn't as embarrassing as it was potentially embarrassing.

10-18-2009, 09:12 PM	#18
flip Lifetime Suspension Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Sec 216 Exp:	One time I had a chick stay the night. For whatever reason I had an extremely upset/gassy stomach the next morning. So she goes to watch TV and I head to the bathroom. This seemed to be perfect because if she was in my room my farting and stuff would have been audible from my room. The living room is on the same floor, just down the hallway, but I figured at least the TV would cover any noise I made. So I tell her to relax and watch TV. Sure enough she just goes and sits down and doesn't even turn on the TV. This is only the 2nd or 3rd time we'd slept together IIRC and weren't dating (never did, it was just a FWB thing). Anyway, at this point I have to let one rip so bad that I just can't wait for her to turn on the TV nor can I walk out there and force her to watch something because otherwise I'd probably have shat myself. So I sit down on the can and my arse just explodes with gas. No diarrhea or anything, just a heinous multi burst like 10 part fart that was more style than substance but clearly audible from my living room. (this is all in my basement which is basically just my room, bathroom and living room all connected by one hallway. I figure she's listening and probably planning her escape and is probably just terrified. Seemed to me I needed to lighten the mood. So after I let out a considerable amount of very loud gas (and it always seems louder in a bathroom/on the can because of the echo, must be the porcelain and the tile) I let out - and intentionally loud enough so that she'd hear - "oh god" in a kind of a desperate whimper. I figured she'd think it was funny if I made light of the fact that it probably sounded to her like I had just shat out my large intestine. It worked. From inside the bathroom I could hear her just absolutely lose her mind laughing. Shortly after, I came out she and she was still laughing. To this day I'm glad I made that joke because I'm not sure the tension would have been lifted without it. I guess that wasn't as embarrassing as it was potentially embarrassing. Last edited by flip; 10-18-2009 at 09:39 PM.