Quote:
Originally posted by Maritime Q-Scout@Aug 7 2005, 01:04 PM
For a guy who is funny, smart, makes good money, is an all around good guy, does whatever he can to make sure friends/family are happy, but can't get a girl... dude... what else is left but my weight/appearance?
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Jon, buddy, if that's what this is about, I can reassure you it doesn't have a thing to do with strength or weight or apperance. This kind of thing drives me crazy because I kept thinking the exact same things you are right now about girls when I was your age. Now, granted, I'm only 4 years older, but the change that came in that time for me was literally, no word of a lie, a complete 180. I hope it comes for you too, but I can tell you that your point about weight is nonsense.
I'm 5-10 and weigh about 180. And there's no fat my man. I frame houses for a living. We lift and bend and climb all day long and it gets you in damn good shape. The only thing I could do to improve it is to be at the gym, but when you get a work-out like that for 10 hours a day, is it necessary? Anyway, my point is this. I'm not hulking, but I'm a pretty strong guy and at the age of 27, I've never in my life had a girlfriend. So right there you should know it's not that. I said all the same things you are, trying to draw attention, trying to figure out what it was, up until the last year or so.
You have to deal with you first and make yourself feel like #1 before it's even a good idea to get involved if you ask me. Believe in yourself. No girl, regardless of looks, your bank account, the car you drive, how nice or not nice you are, none of them are attracted to anything that shows a lack of confidence.
You know how dogs can sense fear? When I was a kid my uncle had this dog and it knew I was scared of it. Everytime it saw me, it attacked me. I can't count on my fingers how many times they had to pull that thing off of me. When I finally realized that, and stuck my foot into that dogs rib cage it never bothered me again. Same sort of situation with an older cousin of mine. Almost everyday on the breezeway at school in elementary she would pinch my cheeks and I hated it but never would do anything about it. When I finally slapped her hands down one day, she never did it again. Listen, I've got at least 5, maybe 10 more stories like that. What it comes down to is if you're not willing to stand up for yourself and show confidence in yourself, people will run you over your entire life and girls will overlook you. Regardless of if you are a 90lb weakling, or a 250lb body builder. If you don't believe in yourself, no one else will either.
Women can sense that lack of confidence just like that dog could sense my fear. And that's not meant to be derogatory in any way, it's just a fact. That's why you're not getting the girl and that's why I never got one either. Once you get past worrying about all this "how can I gain weight", "what am I not saying right", "how can I impress her", "what can I do to change things", then it will fall into place. Pretty much every girl I've ever known, when having this conversation, tells me the same thing. "It will happen when you least expect it." And it makes sense when you think about it. If you are out there looking for something, there is a good chance you'll go looking in the wrong spots, for the wrong things. It becomes too misguided. If there is one thing I can promise you, it's that you need to just slow down and enjoy life and let it all come to you. Being single is great. I wouldn't exchange it for anything right now. I wish more young guys like yourself could see that. You're only 23, you've got so much time to figure all that stuff out. She's out there buddy, there's no doubt, it will happen when you are ready and not before. You just have to stop thinking about it and stop worrying about it and just let her come to you. She will man, I can guarantee it. And the longer you wait and the more time you give yourself to find out more about yourself, the better you will be for her. Trust me man, I'm coming from the same frame of mind as you.