[DOK]

This will probably be the most serious response I ever put on CP but here I go.

I can relate to a lot of what you've said. A really good thing that I've learned about being Catholic, is that we love to question and understand. We do have blind faith, but that does not mean we cannot fully understand our own religion and what it tries to teach.

I think it's a blessing that God gives us the ability to question and to walk away. For me, if He really is there and if He really is all He says He is, then what your doing is just fine by Him. Nothing you do will lessen God's love for his children. That takes away a lot of my personal guilt. Not sure if it means anything to you or not.

I had it explained to me like this: God is our father, right? And it's almost quite literal. There are terrible children all over the world doing awful things, but to the parents, there will always be some form of love. I know this can be taken out of context, but simply put, if my child does something I don't agree with doesn't mean I don't love him / her any less. Same goes for what we do on earth while God is above.

Also, you have to remember the Catholic "intent". Yes, we are supposed to feel bad about our sins, confess, do penance and go on our way. Obviously, it doesn't work like that. We have the power of intent built into our religion. If you mean no harm by what you are doing, you are forgiven. If you mean well by what you are doing, you are forgiven. We get ragged on all the time, that if we feel guilty then we can do whatever we want. Clearly, that's not true.

I recently went to my priest with a life altering decision. I told him it could be looked at like a sin, what did he think? I also laughed saying I was coming to him for advice on this one decision the whole while I was living in sin, having sex out of marriage, swearing, over eating, hating my neighbours, etc. Why is one sin anymore important than the rest? There actually are bigger sins and smaller sins in our religion, not many people know that. Those "small sins" are the ones I just rambled on about, and again, it went back to intent.

As for birth control, that's one for the ages. Personally, I think that comes more from the old school Rome teachings, the fear of sex before marriage, sex out of wedlock. Sex, technically shouldn't be used for anything but pro-creation in our religion, right? So, unless our intent to pro-create is there, we won't have sex, meaning there never would be all these extra unwanted children in the world. Of course that means everytime we have sex, it is to become pregnant. Birth control avoids that, thus, avoiding the rule, sex = kids. Sex that doesn't = the intent for kids is a sin. Personally, I think it's very modern of the church to acknowledge the fact that people do have sex and that it does need to be protected.

Believe it or not the Catholic church is quite modern in it's ways and is one of the most fast changing religions out there. Recently they have accepted the homosexual lifestyle, HOWEVER, they still refute sodomy. So, as a Catholic you can be openly gay, you just are not permitted to have sex "that way". Depending on your view, it's a step in the right direction.

Personally, I really enjoy being Catholic, I don't go to church every week, I don't pray everyday, but I stand by many of their measures. So much of the church is misunderstood and I ask a lot of questions to get a better understanding. My default is always, "MY God". I think there is a distinct difference between the old men in the Vatican and God above. These men and their teachings are just men, human, and on this earth. They know no more than anyone else, they are just trying their best to continue the teachings of the past. If something is construed that I don't agree with, in my gut and in my whole, I ask myself, "Would MY God be like that?" Maybe most of the time, I'm doing something inappropriate, or I don't have patients, but I believe the big guy is on my side and he's working with me, not against me. I try, maybe I could try harder, but He knows my soul and He knows who I really am. Would MY God condemn me to a life in a fiery hell? I hope not, I don't expect so, and I'm ok with that.