[alltherage]

Originally Posted by photon

See I think many who advocate against birth control vastly overstate the failure rates and consequences of using birth control intentionally to try do exactly what you are experiencing; have this big fear of unwanted kids hanging around like it's almost a given.. "use birth control and you are pretty much guarenteed of either having a unwanted child or getting a disease!"

Yeah, totally. My mother had a misguided understanding of the birth control pill when she was teaching me about it. She told me the egg still gets fertilized and human life has started, and the pill makes it impossible for the egg to attach to the uterus and it dies. That's just simply not true. She wasn't lying to me though, she thought she was correct.

She also seriously overstated the effectiveness of contraception through my whole life. I don't think she was trying to be dishonest, but more just trying to share what she had learned (from some kook it sounds like).

You're finding out that reality doesn't really match the rhetoric.

No kidding.

Keep in mind that the Catholic church isn't the only flavour of Christianity out there. That there are many interpretations out there could imply that God is ok with that; when I was a church goer I saw the different sects as necessary for the many different kinds of people there are. Some people see active worship with a full rock style band and everyone singing and jumping as a sin; others wouldn't go to church without it.

Again when I was a church goer, I saw the concept of sin as less a breaking of a rule and more of a call to introspection and evaluation of an action. The action is less important than the motivation. I saw God as looking at my motivations behind my actions. God wants me to be happy, to be respectful of myself, others, and God, etc..

You have guilt because you are going against what you were raised in, but you've already acting based on your own set of values, which is good. You just need to see those things you are raised in in a more abstract light maybe, rules made in different times and for different societies where you have to adapt them for today.

Indeed. I get guilt from just challenging these doctrines... it's about how I was raised, once again. "Thou shalt not challenge the Lord thy God" or something along those lines.

It's funny, my parents would never let me watch any cartoon with anything magical in it (magic is of the devil you know, can't have our kid summoning demons). I couldn't watch Smurfs even! Even today I can feel a stirring of guilt when I let my kid watch Smurfs . So sometimes guilt can be misplaced.

My grandma almost had a nervous breakdown when she saw my 9 year old brother watching Disney's Hercules"

You know those digital 3D images that you have to cross your eyes to view? My mom thought that was some kind of magic/evil spirit crap. Turns out it's a computer image. Who knew?

I don't know if this means a beginning of a spiritual journey for you, or just means that your relationship with your church changes. I know lots of people who attend a church of whatever denomination who don't fully buy into everything they say, and don't have any difficulty with it. They don't see it in terms of "right" and "wrong", taking a more pragmatic (liberal?) view of their faith with respect to specific doctrines and such.

I know other people who have moved denominations to find ones that are more inline with their values and views.

One other thing to throw into the mix, before I had a kid I went to church despite my doubts and vastly different ideas, out of a desire for community and other reasons. When I had a kid that crystallized things for me a bit, partially because of the things you mention.. I didn't want my kid to be burdened with unwarranted guilt (plus a lot of the other psychological hangups, but I wasn't raised Catholic, so the gunk from my denomination might not apply). If he wants to pursue religion when he's old enough that's his decision.

Thanks for opining. I appreciate what you are saying here, and it sounds like we have/had a lot in common. I feel like I will try to take the good from my religion regarding moral foundations, etc and teach them to my kids. I also want them to be very respectful of religions, but to have a thoughtful process when they start wondering and thirsting for a spiritual life.