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Originally Posted by alltherage

My problem, is that Birth Control was rejected because it leads to a culture of unwanted children. It's a pretty solid point at first glance, because if you employ contraception, and get pregnant anyways, you have an unwanted child on your hands. I'm not going to argue when life begins, just assume for this explanation that it begins at conception. Unwanted babies creates a bigger demand for abortion, which kills human life.

See I think many who advocate against birth control vastly overstate the failure rates and consequences of using birth control intentionally to try do exactly what you are experiencing; have this big fear of unwanted kids hanging around like it's almost a given.. "use birth control and you are pretty much guarenteed of either having a unwanted child or getting a disease!"

You're finding out that reality doesn't really match the rhetoric.

Originally Posted by alltherage

OK, I get this. But I've been using contraception for 5+ years, and I've never had a "scare". Before my fiance and I became sexually involved, we decided that if she were to get pregnant, even while she was in school, while I was, whatever the issue, we would still have the baby no matter what.

See, that's very responsible IMO! You looked at all the benefits and possible consequences, you looked at the worst case scenario and planned for it, all the while adhering to the values you felt were important (sanctity of life, respect for yourself and your partner).

In my mind that would give more glory to God than following a dogma formed in a distant time. Does God want responsible people, or robots?

Originally Posted by alltherage

But it's a blanket rule, because we have to "bear witness" to everyone else and set a good example.

You're setting a good example by showing how to be responsible. Cars are dangerous if not driven properly, is it better to instruct my son on how to use one responsibly, or to restrict him from driving at all because it's dangerous?

Originally Posted by alltherage

Therefore, I'm a sinner. OK, so is everyone else... but in the Catholic Church, the only way to be forgiven is through confession, which I struggle with. Firstly, I am not sorry for this "sin." So I can't be forgiven. Secondly, if I can't be forgiven, I can't accept communion- the main reason people go to mass weekly.

... but I still have the guilt. I still don't like to say anything negative about it, I still have guilt about my sex life, I still pray in my head some times without knowing it, and I still feel like I've made a choice to go against God... even though I don't know if I believe all this stuff.

Keep in mind that the Catholic church isn't the only flavour of Christianity out there. That there are many interpretations out there could imply that God is ok with that; when I was a church goer I saw the different sects as necessary for the many different kinds of people there are. Some people see active worship with a full rock style band and everyone singing and jumping as a sin; others wouldn't go to church without it.

Again when I was a church goer, I saw the concept of sin as less a breaking of a rule and more of a call to introspection and evaluation of an action. The action is less important than the motivation. I saw God as looking at my motivations behind my actions. God wants me to be happy, to be respectful of myself, others, and God, etc..

You have guilt because you are going against what you were raised in, but you've already acting based on your own set of values, which is good. You just need to see those things you are raised in in a more abstract light maybe, rules made in different times and for different societies where you have to adapt them for today.

It's funny, my parents would never let me watch any cartoon with anything magical in it (magic is of the devil you know, can't have our kid summoning demons). I couldn't watch Smurfs even! Even today I can feel a stirring of guilt when I let my kid watch Smurfs . So sometimes guilt can be misplaced.

I don't know if this means a beginning of a spiritual journey for you, or just means that your relationship with your church changes. I know lots of people who attend a church of whatever denomination who don't fully buy into everything they say, and don't have any difficulty with it. They don't see it in terms of "right" and "wrong", taking a more pragmatic (liberal?) view of their faith with respect to specific doctrines and such.

I know other people who have moved denominations to find ones that are more inline with their values and views.

One other thing to throw into the mix, before I had a kid I went to church despite my doubts and vastly different ideas, out of a desire for community and other reasons. When I had a kid that crystallized things for me a bit, partially because of the things you mention.. I didn't want my kid to be burdened with unwarranted guilt (plus a lot of the other psychological hangups, but I wasn't raised Catholic, so the gunk from my denomination might not apply). If he wants to pursue religion when he's old enough that's his decision.