[alltherage]

This might be a little long, but for those interested, here goes:

Preface: I am arguing these points against a Catholic perspective, the one I know. I do not agree with all of it, as you will see, and I'm not going to argue for these points necessarily. I say this because I know CP religion threads get out of hand very quickly and I'm looking for some honest discussion.

Lately I've really started questioning the doctrines and teachings my parents bestowed (in good faith) on me during my childhood. I don't know where I'm at with things, but here's my predicament.

I disagree with some of the teachings in the Catholic church. Mainly, with Birth Control. The Church is against it because sex is for pro-creation as well as expression of love. It is not one or the other, but both. It is a disrespect to God to use it for one and not the other. Therefore, condoms are not OK, in vitro fertilization is not OK, homosexual relationships are not OK, etc etc.

My problem, is that Birth Control was rejected because it leads to a culture of unwanted children. It's a pretty solid point at first glance, because if you employ contraception, and get pregnant anyways, you have an unwanted child on your hands. I'm not going to argue when life begins, just assume for this explanation that it begins at conception. Unwanted babies creates a bigger demand for abortion, which kills human life.

OK, I get this. But I've been using contraception for 5+ years, and I've never had a "scare". Before my fiance and I became sexually involved, we decided that if she were to get pregnant, even while she was in school, while I was, whatever the issue, we would still have the baby no matter what.

So it seems that this "culture of unwanted children" does not apply to me. But it's a blanket rule, because we have to "bear witness" to everyone else and set a good example.

Therefore, I'm a sinner. OK, so is everyone else... but in the Catholic Church, the only way to be forgiven is through confession, which I struggle with. Firstly, I am not sorry for this "sin." So I can't be forgiven. Secondly, if I can't be forgiven, I can't accept communion- the main reason people go to mass weekly.

So basically, because Science and my personal moral standard have branched from the Church, I can't be a part of it if I tried... it seems like a deal breaker.

Not only that, with the advances in science, with evolution, the massive universe, all these other things I won't list here, I have a hard time buying in to this religion any more... but I still have the guilt. I still don't like to say anything negative about it, I still have guilt about my sex life, I still pray in my head some times without knowing it, and I still feel like I've made a choice to go against God... even though I don't know if I believe all this stuff.

Was anyone else raised Catholic or another similar situation? I find it hard to get passionate about finding "truth" when Catholicism always been presented as "truth" and I've always acquiesced without thinking twice. How do I deal with what might be mis-placed guilt? Can I even move on to addressing this when I haven't decided what to believe? Is it that easy- just decide? Do I have to wait for something to come smack me in the face, or do I begin some kind of spiritual journey? Advice is appreciated.

The topic for discussion is not "who's right" or "is Jesus a zombie", so please respect the discussion or please stay out of the thread. It's about ways to deal with these underlying issues... and has anyone else faced this?