[Mike Oxlong]

My vote has to be poop.
We have a newborn son that is 4 weeks old. About 2 weeks ago I was downstairs and I heard my wife yelling "Oh my God get up here" I was freaking out thinking something was wrong with the kid so I bolt upstairs to see what's wrong. As I enter the baby's room I see my wife standing by the change table with poop on her hands, up her arms, all over the change table, dripping down the side and even some on the carpet. I guess when she was changing him and she decided to remove the diaper he decided that would be a good time to have some explosive diahrea.

Being the helpful husband I am I immediatley jump into action and help her by grabbing wipes and cleaning stuff up. As I am bent down at the end of the change table cleaning crap off the carpet and the side of the change table he decides to fire round 2 which is another even more powerful crap. Unfortunately for me I am bent over right in the line of fire and catch the crap right to the side of the head.

My wife said it looked like a hamburger patty on the side of my head. I have never seen her laugh that hard in my life and in fact she might still be laughing right now.

After getting over the original shock of having your son poo on your head I ran into the shower and cranked it on. I gave myself a wicked headache because the water was still ice cold as I didn't really want to wait for it to warm up.

Until he pukes on my head or right in my mouth my vote goes for poo.