Quote:
Originally Posted by 4X4
You can't live your life as a slave to everyone else's emotions. Being a friend is one thing, being a pushover is another. If you think that dude offed himself because you didn't rent drums and play with him, you need to realize that there were probably ten other things in his life that were worse than that (or so he felt) and jamming would have been a temporary high to distract him from the despair he was feeling.
In other words, jamming would have maybe postponed the suicide, but it would have done nothing to stop it. So you can't carry the guilt. I know it's easy for me, an anonymous internet poster to say, but seriously... It ain't your fault.
IMO, the real tragedy when someone commits suicide is the guilt that friends and family are left feeling. I'm sure sometimes it's justified, but most of the time it's not. In this case, it's not. Flameswin, again, it's not your fault. You were neither the cause or even the catalyst. It is a bit freaky to have been so close to someone that does this, but it doesn't make it your fault.
Like Cow said, it's likely that you'll know a few people over the years that do this. Some will be closer to you, some will just be associates, it's a fact of life. Maybe I'm numb to it now because off the top of my head I can recall 4 people that were fairly close that have killed themselves. All 4 were senseless. There was no real despair. They must have been mentally ill or something. Something that wasn't visible on the surface. Something that a doctor needed to prescribe meds for. Not a one of them would still be here if their friend jammed with them.
Not.Your.Fault.
Feel sad. Don't feel guilty.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Resolute 14
Most people who say suicide is an act of cowardace/selfishness have no concept at all of the mental state of such a person. It isn't something most people can understand unless they have stood at the abyss themselves.
Making music evidently was your friend's escape from his problems. Thing is, no matter how you try to escape them, those demons are always a step behind, and slowly, but surely, they overwhelm you. You could have made all the time for him in the world and spent hours of every day working on music, but inevitably, his demons would have eaten the joy of that away too.
A suicidal person lives in an irrational world, and the guilt we feel is the impossibility of understanding it rationally. There was nothing you could do to save him - that has to happen from within. It won't be easy to do, but instead of feeling guilty at your friend's death, feel happy that you were able to bring him some joy in a life that he otherwise found unbearable.
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I took the 'rentng the drums and jamming' just as a cleaver analogy to the situation that "Flameswin" was presented with.
When I was younger I always figured that if I ever did get to the depressed state where I was about to kill myself, instead I would just take off, go to some other country, and maybe rob banks to support myself, and just do crazy things that I would never have the guts to do otherwise. I figured I would have nothing to lose anyways, so why not. When you rationally think about it, and try and place yourself in the shoes of those who have commited suicide, people you knew, you realise it's not like that.
Or....maybe it is, I don't know.