I have someone very close to me who is depressed, to such a degree that he must stay in a medical facility. He tried to kill himself, and told doctors that all he could think about was how to do it.
Now he is frustrated because he is hospitalized, medicated and unable to harm himself. Still, he asked for his favorite moccasins to be brought and he was found trying to hang himself with the laces.
When he is more lucid all he talks about is how ashamed he is.
Still, he admits even when he is feeling a little better, that it's hard not to be thinking of how to do it.
He managed to get an escorted visit to a shopping centre with some other patients. He threw himself over the railing from the second floor. His injuries were substantial (he is not young).
When he recovered a little, he was disappointed that it would now be harder. ie no more passes for walking trips, plus many months recovery for his injuries.
He does have some great things to live for and admits it, he says he just can't help thinking about it.
Before the institution, he said he couldn't even get out of bed in the mornings as he could see no reason to bother.
Depressed yes, selfish I don't think so. It is an illness, one that he doesn't understand.
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