[jayswin]

I was always one of those people that was really sympathetic towards those who were depressed, and even those who followed through and commited suicide. I know a lot of people see it as selfish and weak, and I'd always get a little defensive, saying that you never know what a person is going through, or how bad things are etc.

Unfortunitly, I have now been put to the test of backing up my feelings on suicide, and it's pretty hard to keep the same feelings towards it.

Basically, my last conversation with someone was them pleaing that they needed something from me to be okay, something I would have provided had I known the consequences. However, without knowing what would happen, I brushed it off, and explained that I wasn't in a position to help him right now. He then killed himself, leaving me with a guilt that simply won't go away.

The argument can be made that my encounter with him was just the final straw, and that you could blame any other downward event that led to his death equally, but that's impossible for me to see right now, as all I can see at this moment is...friend needing help - me not being able to provide it - suicide.

I'll continue to sympathize with depression and people that can't help themselves get better, and won't allow myself to have negative feelings towards this guy, or to get mad at him for the guilt he's left me with, as he paid the ultimate price and he's the one that deserves sympathy, not me.

However, my thoughts have been completely filled with guilt and images of him laying gased to death in his jeep, ever since I found out, and I can definitly see where people are coming from when they lash out at suicides and point to the freinds and family left to deal with it.