There is no single way that will work for every child. Kids (and all people) are unique and some need strong boundaries and others to be pushed to find their boundaries.
Some methods will work better for more people, but there isn't one that will work all people.
But it sounds like this whole discussion will come back to the "nature vs nurture" debate, and personally I think nature has a large bearing on how much affect nurturing can have. Some people will be brilliant or evil regardless of what the parents do; while other people are a direct result of their upbringing.
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