Quote:
Originally Posted by jammies
See, this is why I'm never getting married. The answer to this should be, "Unless you are out scoring crack or banging skanks, no, it's not."
I think the people recommending you try to understand how your wife feels and propitiate her as if she was some kind of goddess are way off base. Going out two nights out of seven is no big deal, if she doesn't want to go out that's her problem, not yours - why should you have to do all the compromising and communicating while she gets to play martyr?
Maybe she feels lonely when you're away. Maybe she's worried you're going to become a drunk. Maybe she wonders if you are *really* with the guys like you say? What difference does it make - what it comes down to is that she wants to control your behaviour, and that's not right.
I'd sit down and say, "Look, this is important to me and I don't like the way you are trying to make me guilty for doing something I enjoy; forcing me to quit is just going to make me resent you for what I see as a petty powerplay intended to show how you own me. I'll do whatever I can to give you whatever you need or desire, but I draw the line when you want to take something from me to make me unhappy."
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The reason you're not ever getting married is because you're thinking only of yourself. That'll never fly in a marriage as there are two people involved in one of these.
If she spends all her time trying to make his life comfortable with meals, cleanliness, offspring, sex, and he spends all his time sleeping, eating, sex and jamming, who is not the equal partner? Him, because she's trying, in her own inexperienced way, to ask for some of his attention?
No, she's not lonely. No, she's not worried, unless he's giving her reason to be worried. No, she most likely doesn't care or want to stop him jammin' with the guys. The fight she's picked has very little to do with him hanging out with the guys. Gawd.
What she wants is to feel equally important as jammin'. That means 6-8 hours of his time dedicated to her. For her. She wants to know that she's special, loved, and beautiful. That he understands her, gets what she does in a day, appreciates all that she brings to his life.
This is entirely win-win for him. He does this for her and then, not only is he encouraged to go out and jam, but he'll get extra special sandwiches in his lunch, and extra special sex, and he'll get extra special good will from her for when he really needs it.
2 nights jammin'
2 nights for her
3 nights for kids
Perfect.