[Locke]

Who are these people that interpret dreams? I know many psychoanalysts in the past became famous by attaching some sort of meaning to your dreams, but in what way does this constitute a form of mental help?

Sure, Freud and Jung could sit you down on a couch and tell you that the mental image you experienced of yourself chasing a chandelier through a wormhole that resembles an endless line of rubber boots that deposited you in Newark means that you're displeased with your progress in life.

Really? Displeased with progress in life? I'll bet that if you planted me in downtown Newark I couldnt throw a spicy Italian meatball without hitting 30 people displeased with their progress in life. Have you ever been to Jersey? Its an awful place. Not to mention, if they were happy with their 'life progress' before they just got smoked by a meatball, so its probably going to skew the stats a little.

Couldnt it just as easily mean that you should lay off the taquitos before bed or that you should really cut back on that last hit LSD or double check that the cocaine you've been buying is really as pure as that upstanding coke-fiend dealer of yours claims it is?

Or is it just entirely arbitrary? Ravens mean death and floral patterned chesterfields mean three cheese pizza?

So WTF is the significance of the chandelier? I dont have any particular fondness for chandeliers, so even if this one escapes, however improbable, I really dont care, so why am I interested in chasing it through an unreasonable number of obstacles to a final destination I'd rather not be at? Did they just conveniently omit that because pulling out 2 total BS explanations in one session is really taxing the quota? It might get hard to explain if they keep it up?

The 'mark' might get wise to the dodge?

Why rubber boots? To keep the fecal stench of Newark off of you? Doesnt make sense. I mean, it makes sense to some degree...but not that much.

I've never even been to Newark, how did all of these landmarks get into my head?

Is the whole concept of dream imagery and psychoanalysis an elaborate hustle? A huge con? You bet your ass it is.

First of all, most people forget about whatever the hell they were dreaming about seconds after they wake up so odds are that whatever you're telling Captain Jackoff in the over-stuffed armchair over there is a huge crock of BS too.

I've thought about going to this therapy and just coming up with the weirdest nonsense I can think of just to mess with psychiatrist, but that stuff is expensive, they dont operate at bargain basement prices. Besides, I'm somewhat concerned about the consequences of really delving that deep into my psyche....God knows what you might let out of there and once its out it probably isnt going to want to go back....but I suppose in some sense thats not really my problem, I'm probably better off without whatever is in there.

Besides, they wont even let me into the office after last time....I fell asleep on that ridiculously comfortable lounger they've got in there and had the weirdest nightmare I've ever experienced in my life.....after which I promptly jumped up and punched Professor Dorfelmeier in the gut screaming at the top of my lungs:

"Where the hell were you on that one ######BAG??"

And to think....I know people with psychology degrees....