[Flash]

Rant #1:
Im throwing my best friends baby shower and she is being SO demanding. Everything from her choosing the menu to her saying my centerpieces arent good enough to her telling me what to get for favors. She is one of my best friends and I know she's emotional cuz she's pregnant, but how do I tell her (without her freaking out at me) that she's being too demanding! I swear, she is expecting a baby shower that is fancier than most people's weddings. She emails me all the time to give me her suggestions.....she's usually an AMAZING friend..just her expectations are so high and with work, school, my dad's situation (he's suffering from cancer and I'm always thinkng about him), my brain's going to explode. I shouldve told her in the first place I couldnt do it, but i didnt realize how demanding she would be..i

I would tell her that you really want to give her an amazing shower, but with everything that's going on with you right now (explain about your other friend living with you & your dad), tell her that you're finding everything really overwhelming. Tell her you understand that she wants everything to be perfect but to trust you, that you'll make it as perfect as she wants, she just needs to give you some space to do it. If she's a real friend, she'll realize how overbearing she's being and back off a little bit.

Rant #2:
One of my friends is going through hard times...long story but she was the victim of domestic violence, and her family lives across the country in South Dakota. To make sure she was okay, my husband and I offered her our extra room for a few months, until she was able to get on her own feet (her ex boyfriend cleared out their bank account, left her with nothing, and at the time she only had a part time job because he was the breadwinner..they lived together). My husband is very generous and warm hearted and when we'd go out to eat, he wouldnt let her pay cuz he thought she would need her money....but now every time we go out, she claims to have forgotten her wallet or says she only has 3 bucks and I feel bad and offer to pay the rest. Mind you, the rest is only a couple of dollars (we usually eat at like Subway or Taco Bell or somewhere for lunch), but its getting to be too much. I dont want her to feel bad cuz I know she only makes 16 dollars an hour and works part time and saved that extra money to get her own apartment so she wouldnt have to move back to South Dakota with her parents. How do I tell her nicely without making her feel REALLY bad? This guy abused her physically, emoitonally, sexually, mentally so she's pretty fragile. I've referred her to several places for help (DV outreach and advocate places, counsellors etc), but she refuses to go. Her family doesnt help her much (they're very low income and she only has a mother who is on welfare and a sister who's underage so she cant do much). So Im pretty much her only source of support..emotional and financial.

First and foremost, I would stop eating out with her. If you and your husband want to go out for something to eat then go alone. Use the "couple time" as an excuse. Say you guys need some time to be alone, or that he's taking you out on a date or something like that that'll make it clear that it's just for you and him and she's not invited to come along. If she expresses the want to go out and get something to eat, then try telling her that you guys can't afford it right at that moment. There are lots of legit reasons you can give her, bills due, whatever, and if she wants to go out to eat then she'll go and pay for herself.

She needs to get help professionally though, it's not fair on you to be her sole support, it's draining on you (obviously), and she needs to try to find someone else that she can talk to. I'm not sure how long she's been staying with you guys, but she has to realize that she can't stay with you forever, she has to learn to be self-sufficient again. Sit down with her and kindly talk to her about her situation and how you think she needs to talk to someone who can help her in a professional way, a way you can't. If she finally listens to you then that person will definately tell her she needs to start helping herself.

Good luck to you, I hope everything works out for the best for you, your friends and your father.