Rant 1:
The extreme solution - Tell her the baby-shower is off, make up a reason for it, then throw her a surprise shower. This way you can have complete control over how it happens etc. etc.
Probably the better solution - Sit her down and have a nice long talk. If she freaks out, she freaks out. She's emotional and stressed over the baby and she probably knows this and feels out-of-control and worries privately that she's maybe a little crazy. If you explain your situation and how she's making you feel, she may freak out, but she should eventually calm down.
Rant 2:
Sit down with your friend and let her know about all the stress in your life that has nothing to do with her. Let her be your support for a little while. People like to be needed, especially needy people.
Then, treat yourself and your husband to a weekend away (even if it's just to a decent hotel in your own town.) Go to dinner, enjoy each others company, relax, and decompress.
Then come home and be the support your friend really needs. Once you're sharing each others burden's it becomes a lot easier if you feel like you're in it together.
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