[Flamesmom]

Let me get on my soapbox for a minute and clear up a few things.
My son, who's now 8yrs old, is severely allergic to ALL types of nuts.

When he was 10mths old, I was at work, he was spending the day with my sister and my mom. My mom was to take him to our pediatric dentist that day for a checkup. He was hanging out with my sisters kids, and my sister made herself some peanut butter toast for breakfast. My nephew (who's 6mths older than my son) found it hilarious to eat his Mom's toast every time she made some more. My son decided he wanted in on the fun. So, they all ate peanut butter toast.

About 20mins later, my mom put my son in the car, and drove him to the dentist. While in the waiting room (now about 30mins after ingestion), she found him to be quite cranky, and it was getting worse. She noticed a red bump on his cheek and thought perhaps he'd gotten bit by a mosquito. But then there was more and more of these red bumps appearing. He was also getting VERY upset, screaming, crying, etc. One of the dental assistants, who'd been in pediatrics for 20yrs, came out to see what was the matter. She noticed RIGHT away something was wrong (thank goodness for HER experience), and took him in the back for a moment, reassuring my Mom (so as to not scare/upset her). She checked on him, and realized he was struggling to breathe, and could tell his throat was rapidly closing. By this time, his lips were swollen, as were his eyes, and he was COVERED from head to toe in hives.

She went out to the waiting room and told my mother that they needed to take him across the hall to the DR's office, as he was having some kind of an allergic reaction. That DR's office was closed for lunch. Upstairs two floors, and not only did they find an OPEN Dr's office, but one that had epinephrine on site, in a container they could DOSE for my son's weight. (NO dr's offices have narcotics on site anymore!!). If this DR hadn't had epinephrine on site, and DOSABLE at that, my son would be dead. Yes, dead. So, he was given a shot of epinephrine and a dose of benedryl, and 911 was called. At this point, my mother called me at work to say they thought Nathan was having an allergic reaction to peanuts, and he was going by ambulance to the Peter Lougheed Hospital (closest to where they were) as it would take too long to get to the Children's.

I went flying out of my office and drove to the hospital so quickly, I beat the ambulance there by about 5mins. When they finally arrived, I snatched my baby out of the arms of an EMT, and he was admitted for a dose of medicine that would help counteract the allergic response. We were told of the severe reaction, FULL anaphylaxis on his FIRST exposure... would've killed him if it weren't for that dental assistant acting so fast, and the DR having epinephrine on site.

Now... let's fast forward. I have friends who's children are allergic to walnuts, or almonds, or even just peanuts. Their first reactions were a tummy ache, or nausea, or maybe their kid got 3 or 4 hives and threw up. But my kid?? FULL anaphylaxis, and a brush with death. I am thankful EVERYDAY that he's here, knowing how close I came to losing my son.
We became huge advocates for him. I ordered every kids book about nut allergies, we have epi pens for him... 2 at school, and 2 at home (which travel with us when we leave the house). He is now 8yrs old and has a MUCH better understanding of his allergy... however this wasn't always the case.

In preschool, I had a couple people FURIOUS because the preschool said "NO NUTS". I took it upon myself to make a newsletter to be sent home to each parent, that explained my son's allergy... that often times, subsequent reactions are worse than the preceeding one, and knowing that the FIRST reaction for my son was SO SO bad... we weren't willing to play with his life. That the smallest amount of nut residue from the hand of a child who didn't wash up after peanut butter sandwiches for lunch, wiped on a table at school, touched by MY child, and fingers put into his mouth (and don't get on me about this one, ALL kids do this when they're 4)... could spell DEATH for my kid in as quickly as 3 minutes. I also included a HUGE HUGE list of suggestions for preschool snacks. Those angry parents thanked me for explaining things to them, and providing alternate suggestions for snacks. We were thankful every day he came home from school safe.

In grade 1, at my son's old school, the principal thought it wise to have children with severe allergies wear their epi pens on their person (in a belt pack). HA then add in the fact my son has ADHD - primarily hyperactive/*impulsive*, and then you get a phone call saying "Your son injected himself with his epi pen in his finger, and it's cold and turning blue, can you come and pick him up please?".

Yeah... laugh it up, I've been there.

My son is 8yrs old now and has literally been to maybe a dozen birthday parties in his LIFE. Why? Because most people don't want the hassle of finding ways for my boy to be safe, or understand how EASY it is to just say "he can't have the cake, bring something else". And yet, the dozen who have??? I'll enquire about their cake/snacks, etc. I *ALWAYS* offer to send something else for him. 99% of the time, the cake comes from a bakery (NONE of which can guarantee a nut free cake, so we don't eat anything from bakeries)... SO i make a cupcake and put icing and sprinkles on it, and send that for Nathan to enjoy instead. Once, the mother of the boy who was having a party, offered to buy my son Chapman's (nut free!) ice cream, so he could enjoy a treat too. Once, the mother replaced all her baking supplies to ensure my son's COMPLETE inclusion. This was very sweet of her, and not at all necessary. But my son sure felt special. It was a nice treat.

Now that he's a little older, and has a younger brother who's NOT allergic to nuts, he doesn't mind when he can't have the cake at a birthday party, and will even say to my youngest that it's OK for him to eat the cake. But when he was 3? 4? And was the ONLY child at school not allowed to have the cupcakes brought in by some child's mom for her kids birthday, it's hard to not feel "left out". As his mom, I've ALWAYS provided the teachers with little things to keep in their desk for him, so when other children had a treat he couldn't safely eat, he had something safe too. Not all parents of allergic children are like me, either, nor do they need to be, their child's allergy not being as severe off the bat as mine.

We are VERY VERY VERY lucky. We've bought 4 epi pens every year, and have NEVER had to use one of them. For those of you who don't deal with this, that's a $100 charge PER epi pen, PER year, whether you use it or not. They expire.

We've always taught him to be SAFE with his allergy... always ask, if there's no ingredients listing, then we DON'T eat it... saying no thank you to offers of shared food... washing his hands. And now he'll even say "can I read the label please?" and has become more aware of the risks of cross contamination, and extra precautions he has to take to be safe when at school, at a restaurant (we called literally over 100 restaurants in San Diego this summer on our vacation, just to find a place that we could all go after my sisters wedding... before we found a place that would ask the chef to wash his hands, and would bring a separate bread basket for my son, that hadn't come in contact with their raisin pumpkin nut bread... nevermind offer to bring strawberries and whipped cream for dessert because the other options weren't safe for him!!)

Fact is, kids in younger grades are NOT old enough to self regulate their allergies. We can read stories to them, talk to them about not sharing food, and not accepting food. Drill into their heads that they have to wash their hands, or ask that their desk be wiped down after lunch to make sure they can get thru gym class without turning blue. We can tell them to ALWAYS ask "Is this safe for me?" or "Does this contain nuts? Did you read the label?" But when they're small, and all they know is that there's something their friend Johnny is eating, and everyone else is enjoying it, and they can't, it's just not fair to them. That's all they know. Once kids are in junior high, I believe they're old enough to self regulate their allergy, and take proper precautions. But when you have a young child in kindergarten, or even grade 3, who, at such an age, can't even self regulate his emotions and feelings (TONS of boys who developmentally CANNOT deal with emotions, and will hit, kick, scream, etc, because they literally can't make the connection between their feelings and the words needed to talk them thru!)... CANNOT possibly be solely responsible for looking after their own, severe, life threatening allergy. And for some kids, like MY son, it is *THAT* serious.

I say thank you to all the parents who call to ask if we can bring something else for Nathan to a birthday party... because I don't expect them to bake a cake they were just going to buy at a bakery, just so my kid can indulge. I'm happy to bake cupcakes and have him feel included that way. I don't expect all restaurants to change things, just so MY kid can eat there... because I know lots of people eat nuts (myself included, when my son isn't around!!)... we just know what restaurants are on our "safe" list, and eat there. I say thank you to ALL those parents who, inconvenient or not, have allowed me to breathe easy knowing that my child can go to school, and learn with all his peers, and be SAFE...learning, laughing, having fun - heaven forbid, BEING A KID!!, without having to worry that he might have an allergic reaction that day that could end his life.

Put yourself in my shoes for a moment... wouldn't you appreciate having that peace of mind?