Quote:
Originally Posted by octothorp
Really, I think people are reacting to your original post because your criticism should be directed not at this less beautiful woman, but at this man who, in an overly simplified way, chose her over you.
His wife should have nothing to do with the equation. Once an unrequited love relationship is officially terminated, the unrequitee (you) should have one primary goal. Well, really it's a two-part goal: (a) make the unrequiter feel a strong sense of regret; and (b) make it clear to the unrequiter that he's lost his opportunity.
'A' is important because it's a powerful motivator: many people have used someone else's disinterest as a motivation to go on and do great things. Look at Simone de Beauvoir or Jesus Christ or Jennifer Aniston for proof of this.
'B' is important because, well, that's how you win. After the original spurning, there's no real hope that any viable relationship will ever result, no matter how patient or persistent you are. At this point, it's about a very subtle but effective brand of revenge. There's the old adage, 'forgive, but don't forget'. In this situation, the adage would be 'heal, but don't forgive'.
Sadly for you, you had everything lined up, but couldn't quite convert. You were in a situation where you should have been very confident of having the upper hand and of him feeling regret, and he may have been feeling that way. Look at her, look at him, give him a knowing smile, but be polite and gracious and confident. But clearly the encounter affected you more than it affected him. If you believe that you're prettier than his wife, that's a positive; it's self-defeatest (but not uncommon) to turn that into a negative.
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So what you are saying is, that everyone in this situation should make it their goal to exact some form of emotional revenge on the person? Either you are joking, or suffer from borderline-personality disorder, and desperately need to see a phsyciatrist.
On the other hand, she could recognize that nothing was ever to materialize between the two of them, be happy for the guy, and get on with her life.