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OilersBaby · 08-21-2008, 09:42 AM

I have a coworker (Anna) who has been living together with her boyfriend (Don) for 10 years. Her family all lives out of state. She doesnt make much money and didn't go to university/college. He is an engineer who works at Lockheed. She is financially dependent upon him (and he reminds her of that every 2 minutes). I've witnessed him verbally abuse her several times but have said nothing because I felt that I shouldn't get involved. She's more than a coworker but I don't know her that well...

She comes into work Monday morning with her bottom lip all puffed up and it's bluish grey. She also has a black eye and deep red marks on her upper chest/lower neck (you can see it from her shirt's neckline). I pull her aside and ask what happened. She says Don beat her up. I immediately tell her it's not her fault and to call the cops but she refuses to. I give her some resources in terms of shelters and places she can turn to for help. She doesn't have any family and her Don wont allow her to have any friends! Her and I talk because we work for the same company (she's a part time massage therapist and I'm a Marketing & Sales Manager).

He owns the car she drives, the house they live in, and pretty much everything else....I finally CONVINCED her to come crash at my house for a couple of nights until she figures something out. That was Monday. It's now Thursday morning and she's still there.

She didn't text me back 2 nights ago and I was super worried. My husband and I drove my their house and we heard him yelling at her pretty bad through their screen door. We were going to knock and he pretend to be a door to door salesman guy (he's never met Don before) just to get an idea of what's going on..but we didnt.

Anyways....what should I do? My husband thinks I should get the police involved. His rationale is "how are you going to feel if something more serious happens and you didn't do anything about it"?

She doesnt want to call the cops because she is scared and she doesnt want him to be punished.....I think because she doesnt have much money or anything else she does not have the empowerment she needs to do something about the situation.

I'm not sure if I should get the police involved since she really really doesn't want me to (she said she will never speak to me if I do and Don is going to be super pissed if I do. She said if the cops find out his security clearances for work and all this other work stuff will be ruined). I say he shouldve thought about that before he beat her up.

What should I do??????????????????????????? I've already had LOTS of talks with her (like everyday since it happened) about resources. Ive told her it's not her fault (she's blaming herself) and that she doesn't deserve the physical/emotional abuse.

08-21-2008, 09:42 AM	#1
OilersBaby First Line Centre Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: San Jose, CA Exp:	DV Case: How Should I Handle this I have a coworker (Anna) who has been living together with her boyfriend (Don) for 10 years. Her family all lives out of state. She doesnt make much money and didn't go to university/college. He is an engineer who works at Lockheed. She is financially dependent upon him (and he reminds her of that every 2 minutes). I've witnessed him verbally abuse her several times but have said nothing because I felt that I shouldn't get involved. She's more than a coworker but I don't know her that well... She comes into work Monday morning with her bottom lip all puffed up and it's bluish grey. She also has a black eye and deep red marks on her upper chest/lower neck (you can see it from her shirt's neckline). I pull her aside and ask what happened. She says Don beat her up. I immediately tell her it's not her fault and to call the cops but she refuses to. I give her some resources in terms of shelters and places she can turn to for help. She doesn't have any family and her Don wont allow her to have any friends! Her and I talk because we work for the same company (she's a part time massage therapist and I'm a Marketing & Sales Manager). He owns the car she drives, the house they live in, and pretty much everything else....I finally CONVINCED her to come crash at my house for a couple of nights until she figures something out. That was Monday. It's now Thursday morning and she's still there. She didn't text me back 2 nights ago and I was super worried. My husband and I drove my their house and we heard him yelling at her pretty bad through their screen door. We were going to knock and he pretend to be a door to door salesman guy (he's never met Don before) just to get an idea of what's going on..but we didnt. Anyways....what should I do? My husband thinks I should get the police involved. His rationale is "how are you going to feel if something more serious happens and you didn't do anything about it"? She doesnt want to call the cops because she is scared and she doesnt want him to be punished.....I think because she doesnt have much money or anything else she does not have the empowerment she needs to do something about the situation. I'm not sure if I should get the police involved since she really really doesn't want me to (she said she will never speak to me if I do and Don is going to be super pissed if I do. She said if the cops find out his security clearances for work and all this other work stuff will be ruined). I say he shouldve thought about that before he beat her up. What should I do??????????????????????????? I've already had LOTS of talks with her (like everyday since it happened) about resources. Ive told her it's not her fault (she's blaming herself) and that she doesn't deserve the physical/emotional abuse. Last edited by OilersBaby; 08-21-2008 at 09:51 AM.