[Prototype]

I honostly have a new found respect for the board and the posters on it. This is a subject that I have only discussed with people very very close to me, and I thought I was going to look a like a freak or something for posting this.

You have no idea how your words have helped, short term, my situation. I actually thought I'd increase my fear by thinking what the responses would be, but the responses have helped.

Some of you have stated that you think that these thoughts manifested somehow due to the birth of my child. This is not so. I remember talking to my high school guidence counciler about this subject. It's been something thats haunted me off an on over 10 years. Nothing that has crippled me day to day, but every so often, it just pops in there.

It's not about my family and what would happen to them when I go. I know they would be taken care of financially and emotionally, or as much as could be hoped in that situation. It's my own mortality, and the 'next step'.

I don't think it was him who origionally coined the phrase, but I remember watching Marlyn Mason in an interview say something along the lines of "People fear what they don't understand". I think that sums up my fear in a nutshell.

I'm trying to eat healthier, trying to spend more time with loved ones, and like you guys say, just trying to live in the moment, cause we never know when the moment will be gone.

It's a small step for me, and it's showing results. Plus I have a lot of reading due to the suggestions provided as well.

Some of you have also sent PMs to me, in order for your words to not be lost in the shuffle. I have read them, and even though I have not responded, I intend to. Just not this weekend.

Thanks again CP Nation, and feel free to continue the thread. It seems I'm not the only one going through this. Who would have thought the home of hookers and blow, stamp, Bring Back Conroy, free cats, etc could have some 'healing powers'.