In the last 12 months, I've learned that the important thing is the effect your death will have on those who are close to you. I can't worry about what'll happen to me after death, because I'm sure it'll be one of two things: a) nothingness...the same as I experienced before birth (which wasn't so bad), or b) something that is beyond human comprehension. Either way, I'm not worried about myself.
Previously, I used to worry that if I died unexpectedly, the people who were left would poke through my private things and find out things that I wouldn't want them to know. That made me worry for my own "pride" or something. However, since I've seen this process happen over the last year, I realize that it's absolutely not about me. Now I'm worried about how other people would be affected if they learned things that *they* don't want to know.
It's stupid...not only do I have a natural instinct to survive, but I feel like I have a responsibility to keep other people from being miserable (by keeping myself alive). Not that I'm contemplating it, but perhaps that feeling of "responsibility" is what keeps some people from killing themselves to take the "easy way out." Ah well...enough rambling for tonight.
|