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Five-hole · 04-12-2008, 03:59 AM

I'm a private music instructor in two different neighborhoods. One would be considered very upper-crust middle class, and the other a much more standard Calgary middle class suburb. I'd say there's definitely a correlation between the income of the parents and the incredible amount of pressure mounted upon their kids to be good little productive young adults.

I have 10 year-old students with no less than 5 extra-curricular commitments. Some kids are in multiple sports and learning two musical instruments at the same time. Girls are often also in dance or horseback riding. Boys in martial arts and more and more sports.

I have students over the age of ten whose parents come with them and sit in on every lesson. I'm surprised they can get over themselves enough to let their kids go to school and be subjected to that unpredictable authority of the education system. Leave them alone once in a while! Let them learn about other kinds of authority than just you. Jeez.

Holy crap as a kid I was damn lucky that my parents put every spare dollar they could into my two pursuits: music, and hockey. I wasn't very good at hockey and stopped pretty quickly. But my parents shelled out thousands of dollars a year for lessons for over a decade, at a time when my dad was starting a small business and had almost no money whatsoever. It's not a competition to see how many different things your kid can do half-assedly. Learning commitment to a single pursuit and excelling at that is far more useful in your future, adult life than kinda doing martial arts, kinda doing dance, kinda learning the trombone, and kinda playing football and hockey.

Because here's the thing. You can't put your kid in piano lessons for two years and actually make them a significantly better person for it. That is simply way too small a timeframe for something to have a long-term impact on a person's life. For music in particular, for all but the rare, exceptional few it takes probably 3-5 years minimum before any genuine aptitude begins to manifest. For any of you with a bachelor's degree, at what point did you begin to feel like you really understood your subject of study? It wasn't after the first year, was it? And first-year uni is a much more time-consuming, immersive process than once-per-week music lessons.

As much as learning Yankee Doodle you need to learn about things like responsibility, commitment, and the kind of dedication to specific things it takes to become actually above-average at something. And for the love of god, it's also important to let them explore the world and figure things out for themselves. I didn't have fourteen kinds of watchdogs after me on the playground so I didn't dust it and hurt myself. I dusted it and hurt myself and I figured out that jumping onto a moving merry-go-round is a bad idea. I also figured out that it was my fault that I got hurt, not that my babysitter wasn't paying close enough attention to me.

It seems to me like if a kid has any spare time in their day the parents are doing something wrong. They've invented this thing called "play dates". I'm sure some of you have your kids do this. It's like they blackberry other parents and "pencil in" some play time between their kids. WICKED! Man, I know i had my most fun when it was scripted to happen by my parents.

"Ok sally don't be late for your 4:30 play appointment with little jessica! And then don't forget about your violin lesson at 6:00 and dance at 7:30!"

WTF?

04-12-2008, 03:59 AM	#41
Five-hole Franchise Player Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: The C-spot Exp:	I'm a private music instructor in two different neighborhoods. One would be considered very upper-crust middle class, and the other a much more standard Calgary middle class suburb. I'd say there's definitely a correlation between the income of the parents and the incredible amount of pressure mounted upon their kids to be good little productive young adults. I have 10 year-old students with no less than 5 extra-curricular commitments. Some kids are in multiple sports and learning two musical instruments at the same time. Girls are often also in dance or horseback riding. Boys in martial arts and more and more sports. I have students over the age of ten whose parents come with them and sit in on every lesson. I'm surprised they can get over themselves enough to let their kids go to school and be subjected to that unpredictable authority of the education system. Leave them alone once in a while! Let them learn about other kinds of authority than just you. Jeez. Holy crap as a kid I was damn lucky that my parents put every spare dollar they could into my two pursuits: music, and hockey. I wasn't very good at hockey and stopped pretty quickly. But my parents shelled out thousands of dollars a year for lessons for over a decade, at a time when my dad was starting a small business and had almost no money whatsoever. It's not a competition to see how many different things your kid can do half-assedly. Learning commitment to a single pursuit and excelling at that is far more useful in your future, adult life than kinda doing martial arts, kinda doing dance, kinda learning the trombone, and kinda playing football and hockey. Because here's the thing. You can't put your kid in piano lessons for two years and actually make them a significantly better person for it. That is simply way too small a timeframe for something to have a long-term impact on a person's life. For music in particular, for all but the rare, exceptional few it takes probably 3-5 years minimum before any genuine aptitude begins to manifest. For any of you with a bachelor's degree, at what point did you begin to feel like you really understood your subject of study? It wasn't after the first year, was it? And first-year uni is a much more time-consuming, immersive process than once-per-week music lessons. As much as learning Yankee Doodle you need to learn about things like responsibility, commitment, and the kind of dedication to specific things it takes to become actually above-average at something. And for the love of god, it's also important to let them explore the world and figure things out for themselves. I didn't have fourteen kinds of watchdogs after me on the playground so I didn't dust it and hurt myself. I dusted it and hurt myself and I figured out that jumping onto a moving merry-go-round is a bad idea. I also figured out that it was my fault that I got hurt, not that my babysitter wasn't paying close enough attention to me. It seems to me like if a kid has any spare time in their day the parents are doing something wrong. They've invented this thing called "play dates". I'm sure some of you have your kids do this. It's like they blackberry other parents and "pencil in" some play time between their kids. WICKED! Man, I know i had my most fun when it was scripted to happen by my parents. "Ok sally don't be late for your 4:30 play appointment with little jessica! And then don't forget about your violin lesson at 6:00 and dance at 7:30!" WTF? Last edited by Five-hole; 04-12-2008 at 04:05 AM.